


Forget Me Not

by ExplicitContent



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Babysitting, Bad Parenting, Eventual Smut, Homophobia, Kylo As A Dad, M/M, Not so happy reunions, Young Love, alcoholism?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-05-30 22:55:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 27,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19413118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExplicitContent/pseuds/ExplicitContent
Summary: In the summer of 1983, an unlikely friendship forms between Hux, the son of a known politician, and Kylo, a vagrant kid from the Southside.They're forced to part ways, and in an unexpected turn of events, they run into each other years later. Will their love stand the test of time? Or was it just not meant to be?





	1. Chapter 1

_“The present changes the past. Looking back you do not find what you left behind.”_  
_― Kiran Desai, The Inheritance of Loss._

* * *

It was a summer afternoon. Hux was walking home from school, leather satchel slung haphazardly over one shoulder, shirt sleeves rolled up as far as they would go. The sun beat down on his neck, clothes sticking to him with sweat, as he tried to make his legs move faster than they already were. Hux wanted nothing more than to peel off his clothes and take a nice, cool shower.

But then, he heard shouting.

A boy, around his age, came running around the corner. Hux made a move to jump out of the way, but before he could, the boy grabbed his arm, and kept on running, pulling Hux along with him. 

Hux couldn’t do anything other than run, as the shouting of, ‘stop, thief!’, got louder behind them. He almost tripped over his own feet as he turned his head briefly, only to see two police officers chasing after them at top speed.

It was far too hot for this, Hux concluded, as he tried to keep up with the boy’s strenuous pace. Whoever he was, it clearly wasn’t his first time doing this.

The boy pulled him into a nearby alley, and behind a fairly large dumpster, forcing him to crouch down. Hux heard loud, hurried footsteps pass them by, followed by yelling and cursing. He couldn’t make out what was being said, but he doubted it was anything good.

Once it had been a few minutes, and any sign of immediate danger had passed, Hux turned to the boy, still squatting beside him. “What the hell was that?”

The boy smirked, strands of dark hair splaying awkwardly across his face - likely from all the running. Hux assumed his own was in a similar state. 

“I stole some guys wallet.”

“What? Hux said blankly, more of a statement than a question. 

“I said, I stole some guys wallet.”

“No - I heard you the first time,” Hux replied, exhaustedly. “I meant, why did you drag _me_ into it? I don’t even know you.”

The boy stood, casually dusting himself off. “And yet I know you. You’re the son of that big-wig politician, right?”

Hux sighed. “Yes.” He was. Unfortunately. It had gotten him years of torment, and he wasn’t about to stick around for more. He turned to leave, but the boy grabbed his arm, again.

“Wait,” the boy said.

Hux turned, frowning.

The boy pulled a brown, leather wallet from his trouser pocket, assumedly the one he had stolen. He pulled out a few bills, and held them out towards Hux. “Your cut.”

Hux raised a brow. “My cut?” He didn’t take it, staring at the bills as if he’d never seen money before. Maybe this was all part of a long winded plot to get him incarcerated. Although, he definitely wouldn’t mind a break from his father’s lectures. 

“Let’s just call it hush money,” the boy said, smirking as he grabbed Hux’s hand, slapping the money into his palm. “For your continued silence.”

The boy walked off then, and Hux called after him. “If the police question me, I’m ratting you out!”

The boy just held up his hand in a lax wave.

Hux stood there, completely dumbfounded.

And that was the first time he’d met Kylo Ren. 

* * *

The second time, was just as spontaneous. 

Hux had been sitting outside on the porch, drinking a soda, when a bike pulled up in front of him. 

He had to squint through the sunlight to see who it was. 

The same boy from before, hair tied back into a stubby little knot, large ears sticking out from either side.

“Wanna see somethin’ cool?” the boy asked, leaning to one side as he relaxed on his bike. 

Hux’s eyes went to the soda he was currently drinking, and then back to the boy. “No. Thanks.”

The boy frowned, as if Hux had personally offended him. “Why not?”

“I’m drinking.”

The boy let go of his bike, letting it fall to the ground with a loud clatter, before walking over to stand in front of Hux. Then, he slapped the soda right out of Hux’s hand.

Hux’s eyes followed it as it landed in the grass to the side, a dark frothy substance fizzing out into the dirt.

“Now you’re not,” the boy said, resolutely. “Come with me.”

Hux sighed, before standing, and dusting himself off. “I’ll consider it, if you tell me your name.”

“Kylo Ren,” the boy said after a brief moment of pause.

Hux raised a brow. “Kylo Ren?” It was an unusual name. Extremely unusual, actually. But, it’s not like he could judge, when his own started with the word, ‘arm’.

“Yeah,” Kylo said, a little firmer this time, before picking up his bike, and straddling it once again. He turned to face Hux. “You comin’ or not?”

Hux worried his lip between his teeth, eyeing the bike dubiously. Well, it wasn’t like he had anything better to do. 

He stood there awkwardly for a moment, before climbing onto the back of the bike. He cleared his throat, heart palpitating as his chest was pressed against the other boy’s back. “Uh...should I?”

“Hold on or you’ll fall off,” Kylo said, before immediately taking off.

Hux practically yelped, hands scrambling to hold onto Kylo’s waist, face heating up. He could smell Kylo’s aftershave, which only made his heart beat faster. Then, faster again, when he realised Kylo could probably feel it. 

Why had he even agreed to this? The boy was clearly a menace, and Hux knew better than to hang out with kids from the Southside. And yet, here he was, doing just that. His father would probably have an aneurism if he knew. Hux huffed out a laugh, and held on tighter.

The bike jolted to a stop in front of an abandoned warehouse. The windows were boarded up, and there was moss growing up the sides.

“We’re here,” Kylo said, dropping his bike before Hux had even thought about getting off. Kylo walked up to one of the windows, pulling off a board that had already been loosened - likely by Kylo himself. 

“Isn’t this illegal?” Hux asked, walking up beside him. 

“Only if we get caught,” Kylo said, before climbing inside.

Hux followed through the window, getting his shirt caught on a loose nail. He tugged it free, ripping it a little as he did so. He’d have to get one of the maids to sew it later.

Kylo lead him up a few flights of stairs, and then out onto the roof of the building, through a fire escape door. The roof was flat, bordered by a short stone wall. It was covered in a blanket of weeds, some even sprouting flowers. It was strangely beautiful, in a way.

Hux was jolted from his thoughts when Hux grabbed his arm, a habit of his, pulling Hux towards the edge of the building. He had a flicker of fear at the possibility of Kylo pushing him right off, only a six inch wall standing between him and plummeting to his death.

Luckily, Kylo just sat, cross legged, overlooking the edge. He motioned for Hux to do the same, as they both stared up at the sky. It was starting to grey at the edges, soon to be consumed by nightfall. 

Hux heard a shuffle, and turned to see Kylo pulling two cans out of his backpack. He handed one to Hux, and opened the other, taking a swig from it. 

Hux turned the can in his palm. “Beer?”

“Stole it from my dad,” Kylo replied, easily.

Ah.

Hux opened it, hearing the satisfying release of air. He’d never tried beer before, only wine on certain occasions, and only in small quantities. “Is stealing a hobby of yours, then?”

“Sometimes.”

Kylo didn’t elaborate, and Hux bit back a smirk, not wanting to humour the boy as he took a swig from the can. He immediately choked on suds, beer coming out of his nose as he coughed. His eyes watered as he looked up at Kylo, who was laughing at him. 

Hux swallowed, dryly. He wanted to pour the drink over Kylo’s head. Maybe it was an acquired taste, like olives, or marmite. Hux placed the can on the ground beside him, looking out over the edge. 

Cars passed in the distance, never daring to drive down this street. It was almost as if they existed in another dimension entirely, away from the eyes of the city. If Hux were honest, he quite liked that particular thought.

“Now, we wait,” Kylo said, bringing Hux’s attention back to him, as he took another sip.

“Why?” Hux asked.

“Because,” Kylo replied.

“Because?”

“You’ll see.”

About half an hour later, the sun started to set, orangery reds enveloping the sky. It was as if the clouds had somehow merged with the sky, spiralling inwards, as everything began to fade. Darker and darker, until it was nothing. Freckles of stars like glitter.

That was the day he fell in love with the sky. 

* * *

The third time, Hux had been at school. 

A locker slammed loudly behind him, as Phasma turned to face him. “Here comes trouble,” she said, keeping her gaze solely on him. 

A group of kids, walking down the hall as if they owned the place.

Hux recognised one of them as Kylo, but he didn’t dare approach him. The kids surrounding him looked as if they’d been to prison, more than once.

As they passed, Kylo caught Hux staring, and smirked. Hux looked away almost immediately, but lingered far too long on the back of Kylo’s head as he got further and further away. 

Phasma seemed to notice this, as she met him with a raised brow.

“What the hell was that about?” she asked, incredulously.

Hux frowned, closing his locker. “Nothing.”

It had only been twenty minutes into the first lesson, and Hux was already bored. He had been resting his head on his hand, looking out of the window, Phasma clicking her pen obnoxiously beside him, when the fire alarm went off.

Their teacher looked panicked, as she tried, and failed, to heard them single-file into the hall. It looked more like an impromptu mosh pit session, but instead of a rock band, it was just a loud, annoying beeping sound. Judging by her expression, it wasn’t a scheduled drill, like they had sometimes. It had sent all of the teachers and students into a frenzy, yelling and bumping into each other. Hux, of course, was perfectly calm. 

The teacher guided them outside, having finally gotten them into some semblance of a line, as the other classes did the same. They were all lined up in the yard, like some strange off-brand military encampment. 

Phasma was somewhere near the front, but Hux couldn’t see her. He felt eyes on him, and turned to look behind. Kylo was standing towards the back, in the opposite line, staring right at him. 

They shared a knowing glance, for far longer than necessary. If anyone were to look, and see them now, It would seem as if they had started an impromptu staring contest.

The teachers went back inside, telling the students to wait while they checked for a fire. But, Hux knew there wasn’t one. 

When Kylo broke away from the line and ran towards the woods, Hux followed, just as fast. They stopped after a moment of running, panting as they collected themselves.

Hux steadied himself on a rock, having never made it a habit of running - especially not away from school. If he was going to run, he’d probably be running towards it.

Kylo looked up at him, smirking. “So, does this make us partners in crime?”

Hux huffed out a laugh between breaths. “I’m not sure what part of the crime I committed, but, yes, I suppose it does.” 

“Then It’s settled,” Kylo said, standing upright. He held out a hand. “Partners.”

Hux stared at his hand for a moment, before taking it with a brief exhale. “Partners.” He would definitely regret this. 

“Come on,” Kylo said, gesturing for Hux to follow him. 

“Where are we going?” Hux asked, walking behind him as they trudged through rough foliage.

“To my house,” Kylo said, not looking back. “I know a shortcut.”

Kylo’s house was in a broken down neighbourhood on the Southside. Kids sat outside on doorsteps, drinking out of brown paper bags, and smoking. They eyed Hux as he got off the bike.

Kylo lead him inside, closing the door behind them. The lock was broken, but there was a small, rusted chain that kept the door from opening all the way, if someone were to open it.

Hux hoped no skinny people decided to rob the place. Although, there wasn’t much here worth taking. A small, outdated television. A bat, rested beside the door. A battered old couch. A broken microwave.

Kylo gestured for Hux to sit, before heading to the kitchenette at the side of the room, sectioned off by a plastic counter.

Hux sat, begrudgingly, perched on the edge of the seat, and trying not to let his back touch the couch. 

Kylo opened the fridge, light spilling out across the faux-white tile floor. He looked back at Hux briefly, holding out a beer. “Want one?”

“No. Thank you,” Hux said. 

Kylo took one out for himself, closing the door, before coming to sit next to Hux. He popped open the can, taking a swig, and placing it on the coffee table in front of him, before turning on the Tv.

It opened on the news, where Hux saw a brief glimpse of his father, but Kylo swiftly turned it to what looked like a sitcom. Hux could tell by all the vulgar language being thrown about. 

Kylo stretched, slinging an arm casually around his shoulder. Hux flinched at the contact, but didn’t shy away from it, staying put in Kylo’s warm presence. He smelled faintly of pine, and smoke. Hux found himself quite enjoying that particular scent. If he shifted closer, ever so slightly - for temperature reasons, of course - no one would be the wiser. 

Then, a toilet flushed from somewhere behind them. They both jumped away from each other, abruptly.

A lanky girl with brown hair, tied back in a topknot - much like Kylo’s - emerged from the bathroom, wearing an extremely oversized tank top. They all shared a mutual look of, ‘you’re not supposed to be here’, before the girl came and sat down in between them. She pulled a box of what looked like tobacco out from under the coffee table, along with a few papers, before she began to roll a cigarette.

The girl lit her cigarette, eyeing Hux, who was still sitting awkwardly on the side of the couch. She took a long drag, exhaling, before holding it out for Hux to take, but he politely declined. She looked at him as if he were the mad one. 

“Where’d you find this one?” she asked Kylo, gesturing in Hux’s direction.

“Strip club,” Kylo replied, offhandedly.

The girl laughed. “As if,” she said through a billow of smoke. “You’d need a hell of a good fake ID to get past the bouncer with your scrawny ass.”

“Who says I don’t?”

She gave him a ‘look’, before turning to Hux. “So, where you from posh boy?”

Hux bristled at the nickname, frowning. “It’s Hux.”

“Hm,” she said, seeming to debate the word, “haven’t heard that one before. Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.” She extended a filthy hand. “I’m Rey.”

Hux looked at her hand for a moment, before taking it with an internal grimace. “Yes. A pleasure.”

Rey laughed. “‘A pleasure’, he says.” She turned to Kylo. “You’ve got a right catch here.”

“Shut up,” Kylo said, eyes firmly trained on the small Tv in front of him. 

Rey seemed to have noticed the awkward silence, and stood. “Well, I think I’ll leave you two alone,” she said, before leaving with a brief, “use protection.”

Kylo scowled, and Hux could feel his ears turning red.

Once she was safely out of sight, Kylo moved back towards Hux, not putting an arm around him this time, much to Hux’s disappointment.

“Your sister?” Hux asked.

“Cousin,” Kylo replied, grimly. 

“Does she come here often?”

“Too often.”

After about an hour of sitting there, pretending to watch the Tv as thoughts flooded Hux’s mind - mostly about Kylo and their close proximity - when there were loud footsteps on the stairs. 

They jumped back from each other, again. 

Hux thought it might’ve been Rey, come back to taunt them further, but instead, it was a stocky-looking man with ashy brown hair, holding a baby in one hand, and a beer in the other. 

The man cleared his throat, noticing Hux almost immediately as a foreign presence. Hux didn’t blame him, he looked extremely out of place here, in his neatly pressed shirt and slacks. 

“Why aren’t you kids in school?” he asked, voice gruff. 

“Fire alarm,” Kylo said, casually.

“Sure,” the man replied, uninterested. He walked over to them, before plonking the baby down in Hux’s lap, like it was a completely normal thing to do. “Hold him for a minute, I’m goin’ for a smoke.”

And then, he was gone, out the side door.

Hux looked as if he’d just been shot, holding the baby like it was a strangely large vegetable he’d found in the street. It made a distinctly baby noise, wriggling in his grasp.

Hux was sufficiently terrified. He looked at Kylo, who was watching him, clearly amused. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

Kylo laughed. “You mean the baby?”

“Yes, the baby. What else would i be talking about?” Hux huffed.

“Never held one before?” Kylo asked, as if everyone ever had held a baby at least once in their lives. He was an only child, and didn’t have any close relatives. Most of the people who visited his house were old men in suits, come to talk to his father about ‘business’. Hux was never sure what exactly ‘business’ meant, but from what he’d overhead, it was mostly just long-winded speeches about stocks, and some casual sexism. 

“No,” Hux said, looking down at the baby with a grimace. “I haven’t yet had the pleasure.”

Kylo moved closer to him, now that the man - assumedly Kylo’s father - had gone. He placed his hands on top of Hux’s own, moving them so that he was holding the baby properly. “His names Jack, by the way, not ‘baby’,” Kylo said, far too close to Hux’s ear.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Hux said, still holding Jack as if he were a ticking time bomb. “What if he starts crying?”

“Then, you do something funny,” Kylo said, as if it were obvious. 

“Like what?” Hux asked, frowning. Clearly, he hadn’t gotten the memo. 

“Like this,” Kylo said, before pulling the most ridiculous face Hux had ever seen. 

Hux scoffed. “You want _me_ to do that?”

“Mhm,” Kylo hummed, before reaching out to pinch both of Hux’s cheeks, pulling them outwards - as if _he_ were the baby here. 

Jack laughed at this, causing them both to laugh in turn. 

Maybe this wasn’t that bad after all. 

The man returned from his smoke break a few minutes later, swiping up the baby once again like Hux was some sort of baby drop-off station.

He then disappeared up the stairs, steps creaking with his weight. 

Once the coast was clear, Hux said, “he’s an interesting character.”

“Han,” Kylo said, “he once left me on the floor for an entire day. Forgot I was even there until I started crying.”

“Charming,” Hux said, before starting at a particularly loud laugh track from the television. “My father ignored me until I was eleven.”

“Ouch,” Kylo said, taking a drink of his beer.

It was quiet for a moment, the drone of the Tv playing in the background, before Hux decided to speak up again. “Where’s your mother?”

“At work,” Kylo replied, solemnly. “She’s always at work.” He turned to Hux. “How about yours?”

“I never met my real mother,” Hux said, looking at his feet. “She died before I could remember her.” He wasn’t sure why he was telling Kylo this, a boy he barely knew. But, then again, Hux was currently in his house. “Then, my dad married this _woman_ , Maratelle. She doesn’t even love him. She likes to go out a lot, come back late. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what she’s doing.”

Kylo huffed. “She sounds like a bitch.”

Hux raised his brows at the crass language, but nodded. “She is...a bitch.”

When Hux returned home that evening, his father met him with a cold, even glare. “Your teacher has informed me that you didn’t attend your classes today.”

“I…” Hux realised, only after he’d spoken, that he didn’t have an excuse. “Got lost.”

“Got lost?” Brendol looked down at him as if he were nothing more than a bug, insignificant, and ripe for stepping on. “You walk to and from the same building, every day, and you’re telling me you, ‘ _got lost_ ’?” 

Hux’s heart hammered in his chest as he said, “yes.”

Just as quickly as he had said it, his father struck him across the face, hard enough to send him to the floor. Hux whimpered lightly, grasping at his cheek, as if that would help. It stung. His father’s ring had caught his cheekbone. When he pulled his hand away, there was blood.

“Do not lie to me, _boy_ ,” Brendol seethed.

Hux bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t blurt out profanities, and win himself another slap. Instead, he swallowed, hard. “The fire alarm went off...and I, went into the woods.”

“With whom?”

“No one,” Hux said, and as Brendol raised his hand again, he quickly stammered out,” a b-boy from school.”

“What boy?” Brendol asked, fists clenched at his sides. “I want a name.”

“I don’t...know his name,” Hux said, hating the way his voice shook. All he could think about was how pathetic he sounded - how he wanted to be anywhere else but here. His mind went straight to Kylo and his stupid bike. 

Brendol, clearly displeased by this answer, grabbed him by the front of the shirt, and dragged him up the stairs, throwing him into his room, and locking the door behind him. 

Hux sat in silence for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next day, Hux walked to school, slower than usual. Kylo met eyes with him in the hallway, but Hux ignored him, keeping his eyes trained on Phasma. She noticed something was up almost immediately, but didn’t say anything about it. Hux preferred it that way.

When school was over, Hux began the long walk home. His legs seemed to drag, as if he were trying to move them through tarmac. 

He avoided Kylo for the next few days, until Saturday came around. He was relaxing on the front porch, soda in hand. It gave him deja vu, reminding him of when Kylo had taken him to that abandoned building, and shown him the sunset. A strange second meeting, but he had enjoyed it nonetheless. 

Hux was brought from his thoughts when a bike jolted to a halt in front of him, much like last time. He looked up, can half full in his hand. It was Kylo, staring down at him with dark brown eyes. He was almost relieved. 

“Why have you been ignoring me?” Kylo asked, scowling. He didn’t look hurt, or sad. Just angry - disappointed. 

Hux said nothing for a moment, looking at his feet. “My dad found out I skipped school.”

“So?”

“Look,” Hux said, putting down his drink, before standing. “I’m not sure about your father, but mine doesn’t... _appreciate_ it when I go against his wishes.” 

Kylo frowned as he grabbed Hux’s wrist, pulling him forward so he could stare at his face.

Hux’s eyes widened slightly when Kylo brushed his cheekbone with a thumb. “Did he do this to you?”

A sense of calm washed over Hux, one he’d never experienced before. “Yes,” he said, voice quiet.

Kylo looked into his eyes then, and said, with complete seriousness, “I’ll kill him.”

Hux burst out laughing.

Kylo pouted. “I wasn’t kidding.” He sounded far too defensive for someone who had just outright threatened to kill Hux’s father.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was being courted, with a proposal like that.”

Kylo smiled, staring for a moment, before taking Hux’s hand, fingers warm as they encased Hux’s own. “Let me show you something.”

Hux soon found himself sitting in the driver's seat of an old, beat up Ford Pinto, in the middle of an open field. Kylo was sitting in the passenger’s seat, looking unusually smug. Although, It wasn’t like he looked particularly ‘un-smug’ the rest of the time. 

“Where did you even learn to drive?” Hux asked, hands on his thighs.

“My dad taught me when I was like, six,” Kylo said, sitting up straight as he tapped the fuel gage, causing the pointer to stutter slightly. 

Hux frowned, putting both hands on the wheel. “So, what am I supposed to do?”

Kylo huffed out a laugh. “Not that, yet.” He took one of Hux’s hands, and placed it atop the stick shift, holding it there. “Here, you can change the gear. Backwards, forwards,” he explained, moving it with Hux’s hand. 

Hux nodded thoughtfully, eyes falling to his feet. Kylo’s hand felt like a weight on top of his own. “What are these pedals for?” he asked in an attempt to distract himself. It didn’t work, of course.

“The accelerator, and the brake,” Kylo said, gesturing to the two pedals by Hux’s feet.

“Alright,” Hux said, finally. “I think I get It.” The least reassuring thing he had ever said. 

“You wanna take ‘er for a spin?” Kylo asked, turning to face him. 

“Hell yeah I do!” Hux said, trying to match Kylo’s enthusiasm as he floored the accelerator pedal. 

The car immediately jerked backwards, and Hux took his foot off as if he’d been burned. 

Kylo laughed. “You have to put it in gear first,” he said, putting Hux’s hand on the stick shift again, and guiding it to the third gear. His hand was warm, and Hux could feel his face heating up. 

He swallowed. “Now I go?”

“Yes, now you can go.” 

Hux drove around for about an hour, before they’d gotten too hot, deciding to cool off beneath the shade of the trees. Once they were aptly cool, Kylo decided it would be a good idea to play tag. Hux disagreed, not having much fondness for childish games. But, that didn’t stop him from tagging Kylo first, and running. 

They weaved between the trees, chasing each other. Kylo was significantly faster than Hux however, and as he dodged around a tree, Kylo went the other way, and they both bumped into each other, falling to the ground.

Kylo loomed over Hux as they both laughed. 

Once they had recovered from their joint laughing fit, Kylo simply stared at Hux, warm brown eyes looking into his own. Hux could feel his face heating up again, and he couldn’t blame it on the sun this time. 

Kylo rolled to the side after a moment, and they both stared up at the clouds between the trees, content with the silence. 

“Kylo?” Hux asked after a moment, breaking the peace.

“Yes?” Kylo said, rolling onto his side to face Hux.

“Thank you for showing me this,” Hux said, looking into Kylo’s eyes. “It was wonderful.”

Kylo looked at him as if he’d said something strange, eyes wide like saucers. Then, he leant forward hesitantly, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of Hux’s lips. 

Hux gasped and jerked back. “What - why did you do that?”

Kylo seemed to think for a moment, before responding. “Where I live, it’s like a handshake. To show appreciation for a friend.”

“I’m not an idiot, Kylo,” Hux said, rolling onto his back. He didn’t like being lied to, or ‘tricked’ as people tended to call it.

Kylo huffed out a laugh. “Alright, alright, you got me,” he said, “It’s more of a thank you gesture.”

Hux rolled his eyes, biting back the smile that threatened his lips. Kylo had clearly made this all up to embarrass him somehow, and it wasn’t going to work. Two could play that game.

Hux rolled back onto his side, and swiftly leant forward, kissing Kylo just as chaste, before pulling back. “I wouldn’t want to insult your hometown.”

Kylo’s eyes widened, and then he smirked. “Yeah, It would be rather rude, wouldn’t it?” He leant forward again, clearly expecting something more intimate, but Hux moved away quickly, standing. 

“Indeed,” he said, dusting himself off. “I should probably get going.”

“Wait,” Kylo said, standing abruptly.

Hux stopped, meeting his eyes. 

“Will I...see you tomorrow?” Kylo asked.

“That depends,” Hux said, pretending to think. “Will you show me something?”

Kylo smirked. “Always.” 

* * *

A few nights later, Hux sat at an unnecessarily large dining table. His stepmother sat opposite him, as they ate in silence, as per usual. 

Until she tried to engage in conversation with him - a rarity that he tried to avoid if possible.

“So, Armitage, sweetie,” Maratelle said, voice sickeningly sweet. “How’s school?”

She knew he hated his first name, but she used it anyway.

“Fine,” Hux replied, curtly, picking at his food with a small fork. The salad fork. He wasn’t eating salad, and never did, but he liked it better than the other various sized forks.

“That boy - what’s his name,” she said, gesturing in Hux’s direction with her knife. “The one you’ve been hanging around lately. He’s Leia Solo’s son, isn’t he?”

Hux swallowed, dryly. “Yes. Kylo.”

“Kylo? Haven’t heard that one before,” Maratelle chided, almost amused. Nothing would thoroughly amuse her, however, except maybe the downfall of an entire continent. “I thought his name was Ben. Or, at least, that’s what his mother told me, when she attended my last party. Wretched little thing. Maybe they are a family of liars, after all.”

Hux’s fingers clenched around his fork. He wanted to jab her with it. “Don’t talk about his family like that,” he grit out.

“Oh? And why not?” she asked, mocking.

“Because, your jealousy in unseemly,” Hux said, coldly, meeting her eyes. They were the colour of burnt oranges. Hux hated oranges. “It makes you look desperate, and ugly. So preoccupied with others, Maratelle. Maybe if you focused on your own life for once, you’d realise how boring and insignificant you really are.”

Maratelle gawked at him, disbelief painting her expression, just like the hideous makeup she loved to cake on. She was now unguarded, her usual indifference had fallen apart. It was fairly easy to get her like this, if you knew just where to poke. 

“How dare you - “ she started, slamming down her knife.

“Yes. How dare I,” Hux said, standing. “I’ll excuse myself.” He then turned, and left without a second glance. He hadn’t been that hungry anyway.

Hux locked himself in his room, shutting his curtains, and turning on the bedside lamp. It was a whale, on a pedestal, getting ready to jump. He pulled a book from his bookshelf - his favourite one - and got into bed.

It was about a boy, a boy who wanted to get away from his family. A boy who wanted to be free.

Hux sympathised with the fictional boy, more so than others. He’d read it about thirteen times, and even now, it brought him to tears.

In the end, the boy gets his wish. He finally leaves his family, his responsibilities, his expectations - everything that was holding him down. He frees himself. 

Hux wanted to be free. But, life was never like it was in the story books.

Life never had a happy ending.

The next day, after school, Kylo was there to greet him, perched haphazardly on his tattered old bike. It had become a habit of theirs. Kylo would pick him up, and take him home from school. 

Kylo motioned for Hux to get on, and he did, before Kylo took off in the opposite direction of Hux’s house.

Hux didn’t bother to ask, knowing that Kylo probably wanted to show him something. As per usual.

They stopped in front of the same abandoned building, leaving Kylo’s bike resting against one of the walls. Hux followed Kylo inside, through the window, and they went up to the roof, sitting in the same spot, overlooking the edge. It was almost nostalgic. 

Kylo pulled two cigarettes from his pocket, and handed one to Hux. 

Hux frowned, staring down at it. “Where did you get these?”

“Han,” Kylo said. 

“I assume he didn’t give them to you willingly,” Hux said, eyeing the cigarette dubiously. 

Kylo didn’t reply, just pulled a lighter from the other pocket, and lit the cigarette between his lips. 

Hux watched his mouth intently as he took a long drag. Kylo caught him looking, causing Hux to look away abruptly. 

Hux grabbed the lighter from Kylo, face red as he lit his own, taking a long drag like he’d seen in the movies. He coughed immediately, foul taste permeating in his throat.

“That’s vile,” he grit out. 

“It’s an acquired taste,” Kylo said, smoking from the cigarette. Although, he didn’t look like he enjoyed it that much either. 

Maybe Kylo was just doing this to impress him. Hux smirked at the thought, and took another drag, just to see if it was better than the last, but it still tasted awful. He grimaced, before putting it out on the wall in front of them. 

Kylo frowned at him, offended, but Hux simply laughed, coughing. “I’ll reimburse you.”

“How?” Kylo asked, turning to face him as he blew out to the side.

Hux dug through his pocket, finding a wrapped sweet of unknown origin, and twenty cents. He held them out towards Kylo. 

Kylo pocketed them. “Not nearly enough.”

Hux sighed. “I can get more, if you really want it.”

“A kiss, and you will be freed from your debt,” Kylo said, far too dramatically.

Hux eyed him, biting his lip as he peered over the edge, to see if anyone was watching. But, the street was completely empty, as always. He exhaled lightly, and leant forward, kissing Kylo chastely, just like he had before.

But, this time, Kylo’s hands came up to cup his face, encasing his cheeks with warmth. Hux smiled against his lips, letting Kylo hold him there.

Every moment he spent with Kylo, he felt less and less alone. As if Kylo were sucking the loneliness out of him, bit by bit.

Hux pulled back after a moment, leaving Kylo looking vaguely offended, again. 

“Why did you tell me your name was Kylo Ren?” Hux asked.

Kylo looked frightened at that. “Because it is.”

“It isn’t and you know it, _Ben_ ,” Hux replied, not intending it to sound as harsh as it did. 

“I don’t care,” Kylo said, scowling as he looked out over the edge. “I hate my real name.”

“Well, at least we have that in common,” Hux said, in an attempt to lighten the mood. It had worked, according to the curious expression on Kylo’s face.

“What’s your name then?” Kylo asked, before adding, “since you know mine.”

Hux hadn’t wanted to say it aloud, but he supposed it was only fair. “Armitage.” He waited for a snicker that never came.

“Armitage,” Kylo said, testing it out on his tongue. “I like it.” He tried his best to sound indifferent, but it came out sounding quite fond.

“That’s fine,” Hux huffed, face heating ever so slightly. “But don’t call me it. Ever.”

“I won’t,” Kylo agreed, resting his arms on the border. “As long as you promise not to call me by mine.”

“It’s a deal then.”

* * *

Kylo had been taking Hux home, when it started to rain, hard. One of those famous summer showers everyone talked about. 

Kylo wheeled the bike to a nearby bus stop, and they sat under the shelter, listening to the rain on the plastic roof.

They were both soaked, Hux’s hair sticking to his forehead as he raked his fingers through it. “My father will have a fit if he sees me like this.”

“Because you can control the weather, right?” Kylo huffed.

Hux gave him a look. “You know how he is.”

“Yeah, I know I want to give him a right - “

“Kylo.”

“Beating.”

“As much as I’d love to see that,” Hux replied, “he’d sue you back to the stone age.”

“Well, we can go to my house then,” Kylo said, resolutely.

“What about your mother?” Hux asked, skeptically.

“She’s not like that.” Kylo took his hand. “She wants to meet you.”

Hux looked down at his sodden clothes. “I’m not exactly in ‘parent meeting’ condition.”

Kylo smiled. “She’ll love you. I promise.”

Once the rain had let up, Kylo cycled them back to his house. The door was open, so they just let themselves in. 

Kylo’s mother was in the kitchen, washing dishes. She looked up when they walked in. “Ben, honey, you’re soaking!” She walked over to them, before turning to Hux. “And you. You must be Hux. I’ve heard so much about you.” She smiled. There was no resentment in her tone.

“Mrs. Solo,” Hux said, trying to sound polite. It was hard to do that when your shoes felt like a marsh. 

“Leia, please,” she said, before gesturing to the couch, that had recently been cleaned. “You boys sit, I’ll get you something hot to drink.” Now that Hux thought about it, everything was much cleaner than the last time he’d been here.

Hux sat, and Kylo was about to sit, when Leia called back to him. “Ben, go and get your friend some dry clothes.”

“It’s Kylo,” Kylo huffed.

“Oh, right,” Leia said, smiling, “sorry, Kylo.”

Kylo disappeared into a room off to the side, assumedly his own. 

Leia came up to him with a towel, and started to dry his hair. Hux was a little taken aback by this immediate closeness, but it was nice. Being cared for. If his mother were still alive, would she care for him like this? Dry his hair? Hug him when he was sad - scared?

Kylo returned with some clothes strung over his arm. “Mom,” he said, frowning at Leia, who was still drying Hux’s hair. “Give him some space.”

“I don’t want him to catch a cold now, do I?” Leia said, before removing the towel, and booping Hux on the nose for good measure. 

Kylo groaned, before handing the clothes to Hux. “I’m not sure if they’ll fit, but they were the smallest I could find.”

Hux nodded, heading to the bathroom. He changed into the clothes; a white shirt, and grey sweatpants that were definitely too big for him. The shirt hung off his shoulder a little, and he had to fold the pants over to keep them up. They smelt of Kylo.

When Hux left the bathroom, Kylo was sitting on the couch, wearing a fresh pair of clothes, and watching something on the television. He looked up when Hux approached, face reddening when he saw him.

Hux sat down beside Kylo, and before he could say anything, Leia returned with two steaming mugs. She placed them down on the coffee table.

“Hot milk with honey,” Leia said, “a family recipe.”

“That’s…” Hux started, “Interesting. I've never...heard of that before now.”

“Mom makes it all the time,” Kylo said, picking up his, “when I have a cold.”

Hux smiled, immediately thinking about Kylo wrapped up in bed, with a cold. He didn’t linger on the thought long though, picking up his own mug.

“Be careful, it’s hot,” Leia said, before retreating to the kitchen.

Kylo sipped his without blowing on it first, hissing as the milk burnt his tongue.

Hux laughed at him, causing him to scowl. “Do you ever listen?”

“Not unless you’re talking,” Kylo said, seriously.

Hux ignored the heat rising to his cheeks, blowing on the milk, before taking a sip. He closed his eyes, and let out a sigh. “It’s good.”

When Hux looked back, Kylo was staring at him, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

“What?” Hux asked, frowning.

“Nothing,” Kylo said, hiding his face in his mug.

After they had finished their drinks, Leia asked them to bring a coffee out to Han, who was out in the garage, working on his pickup truck.

Han was over by the front of the truck, bonet held up with wire as he delved around inside. When he noticed Kylo approaching with his coffee, he smiled. “Thanks, Ben. Put it over there. And, uh, can you hand me a wrench?”

Kylo pouted, but went over to the toolbox.

Hux walked over to where Han was, peering into the hood of the car.

“Can’t figure out what’s wrong with the thing,” Han said, huffing. “She was runnin’ just fine yesterday.”

Hux moved closer, eyes studying each component. Then, he noticed one of the wires had been jolted out of place. He put it back, before looking back up at Han. “Try it now.”

Han eyed him dubiously. “Alright, kid…” he said, before opening the side door, “but I don't think it’s gonna…” The engine started, revving to life. He looked up at Hux like he was an alien. “You a car man?”

“I had a lot of time to myself when I was a child,” Hux said, fiddling with the hem of his - _Kylo’s_ shirt. “My dad had an old car manual, and I used to memorise it. Guess some of it kind of stuck with me.”

Han huffed out a laugh, before coming over to pat Hux on the back. “You’re really somethin’ kid.”

Kylo was leaning against the wall, watching them with a smile.

When it was time to go, Leia handed Hux his clothes, which had been drying on the radiator. “Don’t be a stranger, now,” she said, eyes kind as she waved him goodbye.

Kylo brought him home, stopping the bike in front of Hux’s house so he could get off. Hux stood by the bike, not particularly wanting to go home. It had been so different at Kylo’s house, so...homely. There was no one there to judge him, or berate him for messing up. No standards. Just love. Like a home should be.

“So...” Kylo said, resting on one leg.

“So,” Hux repeated, smirking.

Kylo leant forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.”

That night, Hux sat at the dining table, with his father, and Maratelle. She was wearing the most hideous earrings Hux had ever seen, cutting through her steak like it had personally offended her.

Brendol was drinking bourbon on ice, wearing an expression of disgust - his usual expression. He was always disgusted. If it wasn’t at Hux, it was at the air itself.

Hux chewed a piece of steak, medium rare. Maratelle liked hers still breathing.

“How are your grades?” Brendol asked, not looking up at him. He was staring into his bourbon glass, studying it. Of course, it was far more interesting than his own son.

“Fine,” Hux said, curtly. He bit down on the steak in his mouth, a little harder than necessary.

“I expect to see your report card in full,” Brendol said, still studying his drink. “If there are any discrepancies, there will be consequences.”

“Yes, _sir_ ,” Hux said, a bitter taste in his mouth. He wished he were eating poison.

“That’s not all you should be worrying about,” Maratelle said, playing with her steak. “I saw him outside with that boy. They were getting a little too friendly, if you ask me.”

No one asked you, Hux wanted to spit back. But, he just sat, and bit his tongue.

“I always figured he’d turn out that way. His mother was a bit odd, too. Maybe it’s genetic,” Brendol said, as if he wasn’t even there. “Best to nip these things in the bud, before they get out of hand.”

As if he were some type of weed, growing where it shouldn’t. 

“I heard Leia whores herself out on the street corner for crack,” Maratelle said, casually, but Hux could hear the excitement in her tone. She loved this - got off on it. Degrading others to make her feel better about herself. “The whole family is dysfunctional. I bet they’re all addicts.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Brendol replied, still not looking up. “I bet the boy will be in prison before he graduates. Scum like them, they’ll never live up to anything. And we’re paying for them to sit around all day, getting high. If I had my way, they’d all be out on the street.”

Hux stood, slamming his fork down on the table. 

Brendol looked up then, eyes hard. “Sit _down_.”

“I’m excusing myself,” Hux said, voice shaking slightly. He wasn’t sure whether it was with anger, or fear. Maybe both. He gripped his fork tighter. 

“You’ll be excused when I say so,” Brendol said, sternly. “Now _sit_ down.”

“No,” Hux said, pushing back his chair. “I won’t.”

He turned and left. Brendol made no move to stop him, or call after him. He would punish him in other ways, on other days, but Hux couldn’t bring himself to care about that now. 

He locked himself in his room, letting himself slide down the door. It was cool against his back. He tangled his fingers in his hair, and pulled. He wasn’t crying. 

He wasn’t. 

* * *

A few days later, Kylo didn't come to school. 

Hux volunteered to take him his homework, although it was more of an excuse to go and see him. Maybe something was wrong. Maybe he was sick? Would he even want to see Hux, if that were the case?

Hux pushed that thought aside, homework folded neatly in his satchel, as he made his way to the Southside of town. Just as he rounded into Kylo's street, a large shoulder blocked his path.

A group of boys stood in front of him. They looked to be around the same age as him, and Hux soon recognised them as the boys who had been hanging around Kylo at school. 

"Hello," Hux said, although it sounded more like a question. Why had they stopped him?

"Nice bag you got there, posh boy," the tallest one said, blonde hair sprawled across his face. Had he even heard of shampoo? "Mind if we take it?"

Well, that was a stupid question. Of course he'd mind. It became clear to Hux then, that it hadn't actually been a question. Hux stepped back, but they followed him.

"I saw your daddy on the news the other day," the blonde boy said, "he fired a lotta people from his company. Includin' my daddy."

"So?" Hux said, getting tired of this charade. 

"So," the boy said, cracking his knuckles, "someone's gotta pay."

"Maybe you should take that up with - "

Hux heard the blow before he felt it, right across his chin. He fell back, hand coming up to paw at his lip. When he pulled his hand away, shaking, there was blood, and the distinct taste of metal in his mouth. 

The boys entourage snickered, egging him on as he stepped forward again. "Now, hand it over. Or things are gonna get messy."

As if they weren't already. There was blood on Hux's shirt. He'd be lucky to get it out without ruining the fabric.

Before Hux could stand - say anything that would likely get him in even more trouble - a fist collided with the blonde boys smug face.

Hux looked up, squinting through the light.

It was Kylo, eyes dark as he wiped the boys blood from his fist. "Den, didn't anyone ever tell you to pick on someone your own size?"

Hux felt vaguely offended, but didn't have time to linger on that thought, as Den scrambled to his feet, lunging at Kylo. They grappled on the ground for a bit, both of them getting a few hits in, but Kylo eventually ended up on top, beating the boys face into next week. The other two boys just looked on in dismay.

They were about to get involved, three against one - which Hux doubted would end well for Kylo - when someone called out from a nearby window, "police car!"

The two boys immediately ran in the opposite direction, including Den, who scrambled to his feet, face covered in blood as he ran after them. "Wait for me!"

Kylo grabbed Hux's wrist, pulling him up. "Come on." He dragged Hux in the direction of his house.

"Shouldn't we wait for the police?" Hux asked, letting himself be dragged along.

Kylo just huffed out a laugh. "The police don't come down this street."

"Then, what was - " But he was cut off, as Kylo pulled him inside, closing the door behind them.

"Why are you here?" Kylo asked, voice hard, but his eyes were soft - worried. There was a cut through his right eyebrow, still bleeding, and a black eye blossoming beneath it. 

Hux licked his lips, tasting metal again. "You weren't in. The teacher asked me to bring you your homework."

Kylo's expression softened at that, but he closed the gap between them, placing his hands on Hux's shoulders. "Don't come here again without me. Alright?"

Hux had the urge to protest, to say he could take care of himself. But, he just nodded, unable to take his eyes off of Kylo's intense ones. "Alright."

"Holy shit, are you guys alright?" Rey asked, walking up to them.

"Took you long enough," Kylo frowned. "Were you planning on watching me get pummelled to death?"

"Pretty sure you were the one doing the pummelling," Rey said, before adding, "and I was painting the nails. You should clean yourselves up before mom gets home. You know how she is about fighting."

"I don't think this is gonna wash off," Kylo smirked, brushing his fingers over the bruise under his eye. He hissed and pulled his hand back.

"He got you pretty good," Rey admitted, and Kylo scowled at her. "I'll get the ice." Before retreating into the kitchen.

Hux sat down on the couch, taking the homework out of his bag, and placing it on the coffee table. Kylo had disappeared into a room, returning soon after with a handful of moist towelettes. He sat next to Hux.

"Hold still," Kylo said, before holding one out towards Hux's face, and dabbing carefully at his split lip. Hux jolted away as it met with the cut, and Kylo put a hand on his jaw to steady it.

It probably wasn't a good idea to talk while someone was cleaning your lip wound, but Hux did so anyway. "Weren't they your friends?"

Kylo huffed, pulling away the red-stained towelette. “No. They were just people I hung around with sometimes. Street cred, you could call it. But I better not see their faces around here again,” he said, trying to sound tough.

Hux bit back a smirk, before wincing. Bad Idea. But today was full of them, so why not add one more to the list? “That’s going to be quite hard, seeing as they live here.”

“Yeah, well…”

“Well, anyway. Thank you for defending my honour,” Hux said.

Kylo’s brow furrowed. “It’s weird when you say it like that.” He then picked up a fresh towelette, and began to wipe at his own face awkwardly.

Hux rolled his eyes, before snatching it from him. “Let me do it.”

Kylo just pouted, and Hux tried his best not to find it vaguely adorable as he leant forward, wiping delicately at the cut through his brow. Kylo winced through the pain, trying to pretend he didn’t feel anything.

“You know, you don’t have to act tough around me,” Hux said, cleaning around the wound, and the streaks the blood had left down Kylo’s cheek, like tears. “I like you just the way you are.”

Kylo’s brow furrowed at that, as if he were confused. But his expression soon turned into something far too fond to be shared between two ‘friends’. “You have no idea...how strongly I feel for you.”

Hux stopped at that, hand freezing as they both stared at each other. Hux’s lips parted, as if to say something, but nothing came out. 

“Am I interrupting something?” Rey asked, amused.

They both jumped, looking up at her abruptly. She was standing by the coffee table, holding a tea towel filled with ice. It was starting to drip, by the looks of it.

They both said ‘no’ in unison, but the look Rey gave them said it all. She handed Hux the ice. “Hold this to Kylo’s eye, It should ease the swelling.” Then, she winked, and left.

Hux’s ears reddened as he held up the ice, but Kylo took it from him. “I can do it.” He winced as he pressed it to his black eye.

“You’re going to look pretty metal with that eyebrow scar,” Hux said, trying to dispel the tension. 

Kylo huffed out a laugh. “I better. Or I’m returning it.”

Hux laughed. “You know, there’s water running down your shirt.”

“Shit,” Kylo said, pulling off the ice as he looked down at himself. 

“Here. Let me.” Hux lifted a hand to wipe away a droplet of water that had begun to run down Kylo’s neck.

Kylo looked at him in  _ that _ way he tended to do, before grabbing his wrist, and pulling him into his lap. 

Hux made a brief noise of dissent, before relaxing his head into Kylo’s lap, as Kylo’s fingers carded through his hair.

* * *

  
The sun hurt Hux’s eyes as he sat out on the porch, trying to keep cool in the shade. It wasn’t working, and he was about to go back inside, when he heard the familiar squeaking of wheels.

Kylo didn’t bother stopping, circling around like a shark, trying to catch Hux’s attention. A woman looked out of the window from the opposite house, frowning, before closing the blinds. After a moment of watching Kylo try not to fall into a bush, Hux walked over to him.

“Took you long enough,” Kylo said with a huff.

“I was enjoying the show,” Hux said.

“Ha ha.”

“It was quite amusing, watching you try to avoid Maratelle’s begonias like the plague,” Hux said, looking back at them in their perfect little lines. “Although, you should’ve just run them over.”

“What did the begonias do to you?” Kylo asked.

“Nothing, yet.”

“Get on, I wanna show you something.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “You and your ‘showing me things’. Sometimes i wonder if you’ll run out of things to show me.”

Kylo just smirked, and gestured for Hux to get on.

They rode for a while, before stopping in front of a wooden fence. It was covered in grey fungus, wood flaking off. In all honesty, it was barely standing. Behind it was a dilapidated garden, weeds growing everywhere, broken pots scattered about. There was a small, abandoned looking house at the corner of the garden, windows boarded up just like the other building Kylo liked to bring him to. He hoped they weren’t going inside.

Kylo helped Hux over the fence, fungus sticking to his palms. He brushed them off on his trousers as Kylo lead him to the side of the garden, bordered by a large wooden fence. One of the boards had been moved to the side, leaving a small gap for them to slip through.

Hux followed Kylo through the gap.

“Where the hell are we going?” Hux asked, after they’d been walking through a dense forest for what felt like forever.

“You’ll see,” Kylo said, before hearing Hux huff, and adding, “we’re almost there.”

The forest broke out into an overgrown meadow, filled with little blue flowers. Hux knelt down in the grass, to take a closer look.

“Forget me nots,” Kylo said, joining him. “They grow all over this place, almost like a virus.”

Hux huffed out a laugh, feeling the flowers with his palms. “They’re beautiful,” he said, breathless.

“You know what else is beautiful?” Kylo asked, prompting Hux to look at him.

Hux did, frowning. “What?”

“This,” Kylo said, before poking Hux and yelling, “tag!”

“You shit!” Hux said, getting up, and running after him.

“That’s for last time!” Kylo called back.

“You’re such an idiot!” Hux laughed.

They chased each other through the field for a while, before collapsing in a heap on the grass beside each other, laughing, and out of breath. The grass was soft against Hux’s back, like silk.

They watched the clouds for a while, content in each other’s presence.

“That one looks like a bird,” Kylo said, pointing to one of the clouds.

It most certainly did not. “No it doesn’t,” Hux replied, squinting at it. “It looks more like a...whale...blob...thingy.”

“A whale blob thingy?”

“Shut up.”

“Promise you won’t forget me.”

Hux turned to face him, idly. “Hm?”

“Promise me,” Kylo repeated, staring at him intensely. “Promise you won’t forget.”

“Why would I - “ Hux started, but Kylo cut him off.

“Just...promise.”

Hux huffed, “alright.” He met Kylo’s eyes, warm brown as they looked into his, expectantly. “I promise I won’t forget you.”

Kylo grinned, before sitting up.

Hux did the same, cool summer breeze dusting his cheeks. They both looked a mess, hair askew, covered in grass stains.

Kylo picked one of the blue flowers, before shuffling over to face Hux, cross legged.

Hux eyed him dubiously. “What are you doing?”

“Just stay still.”

Kylo tucked one of the flowers into Hux’s hair, behind a ginger strand. “There,” he said, “now you’ll never forget me.”

“Idiot,” Hux said, but he couldn’t hide the smile from his face. He moved so he could lay his head on Kylo’s lap. Kylo let him, resting a hand there.

After a moment, Hux said, “let’s run away.”

“Where would we go?” Kylo asked, playing with Hux’s hair.

“I don’t know,” Hux said, looking out across the grass. “New York?”

Kylo huffed out a laugh. “How would we get there?”

“Your dad’s truck,” Hux replied, “we could just take it, and not look back.”

“Hux...” Kylo said, brushing his cheek. “Why are you crying?”

He hadn’t realised, but hot, wet tears were running down his cheeks. He wanted to scream. To cry harder. To throw things. But he couldn’t do anything.

He couldn’t do anything.

Hux sat up abruptly, wiping his cheeks with his sleeve. “It’s nothing. Allergies.”

“Hux.” Kylo took Hux’s face in his hands. “You can tell me anything.”

Hux stood. “I should go.” His voice was shaking. He was shaking.

Thankfully Kylo didn’t press him further, and dropped him home. It was getting dark, and Hux stood on the path that lead to his house.

He clenched his fists at his sides, staring down at the begonias, lining the path. They were so perfect. So ugly. Nothing like the little blue flowers in the field, growing freely.

Hux was still for a moment, too still. Then, he stood on one, crushing it beneath his foot. Then another. And another. It felt good.

When Hux went into the hallway, his father was waiting for him.

Brendol stood there, a daunting figure, hands crossed tightly behind his back. Hux didn’t have to study his father face to know he was in trouble.

“Where have you been?” Brendol asked, sternly. “You’re filthy.”

Hux paused, not meeting his father’s eyes. “Out. With a friend.”

“A  _ friend _ ?” Brendol scoffed, as if the word itself were dirty. “I won’t have my son rolling around in the dirt like a commoner. That dirty, Southside boy. Is he selling you drugs?”

“What?” Hux asked, brow furrowed. “No - “

“Alcohol? Marijuana? What is he giving you?” Brendol questioned him like he was on trial, already convicted and awaiting sentencing. “I demand an answer, Armitage.”

Hux’s father never used his first name, or his last for that matter - unless he wanted something from him. Only ‘boy’. A term meant to degrade him, show him where he stood.

It was only when Brendol pulled something out of his pocket in a sealed plastic bag that Hux knew what this was about.

The little bag had a white, powdery substance in it, and Hux doubted it was flour.

Hux’s eyes widened. “That’s not mine- “ he started, but his father’s expression told him that excuses wouldn’t work. He’d already made up his mind.

It was then that he noticed Maratelle, standing on the landing, looking down at him.

Hux grit his teeth together.

“Maratelle found this in your room, when she was tidying up,” Brendol said, eyes accusatory.

As if Maratelle had ever cleaned a day in her life. Her hands were as smooth as cut glass, maybe that’s why she had a habit of misplacing her wedding ring. It just kept falling off her slippery fucking fingers.

“I told you if he kept hanging around with that boy, something like this would happen,” Maratelle chimed in, leaning over the banister.

“Oh, eat a fucking dick,” Hux grit out.

“Watch your language, boy!” Brendol seethed.

“Back to ‘boy’ now, are we?” Hux shot back, fists clenched at his sides. “What happened to Armitage?”

“You are my son,” Brendol stated, as if it were a burden, “and I shall call you whatever I please.”

“ _ Your _ son?” Hux huffed. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“Do not take that tone with me, young man,” Brendol said, “you’re already in enough trouble as it is.”

“So, why not go out with a bang?” Hux said, mostly to himself. “Naturally you’d believe a gold-digging whore over your own son. It’s probably hers. What do you think she does in the bathroom for hours? Powder her nose?”

“I know it was that boy that gave this to you.  _ Ben Solo _ ,” Brendol said the name like a curse. As if it tasted sour on his tongue. “I won’t have my son becoming a drug addict.”

Hux lost it at that. “Like you ever cared about me!” His fists were going white at his sides. “Where were you when I got sick at school? Huh? You always sent the fucking maid to come and get me. Pawned me off on the staff like some kind of toy. You selfish, self-serving fucking - ”

“That’s it!” Brendol yelled. “You will tell that boy tomorrow that you never want to see him again, or I’ll have no choice but to press charges!”

“You always had a choice,” Hux said. He wasn’t sure whether he was talking about the present, or the past.

“Clean yourself up,” Brendol spat, looking Hux over. “I’ll have the maid bring something to your room. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night.”

Hux locked himself in his room, immediately throwing his lamp across the room. It smashed against the wall, blue and purple shards falling to the ground like rain.

He let himself collapse to his knees, hands raking through his hair. A little blue flower fell to the floor in front of him. He picked it up and stood. He then pulled a book from the bookshelf, the same one from before, and opened it. Hux ran his fingers down the pages, before placing the flower inside, and closing it, putting it back on the shelf.

He had to lock everything away. Or he wouldn’t survive.

* * *

It happened on a Sunday.

It was cloudy, summer slowly turning to fall.

Hux had been waiting outside, on the porch. Waiting for Kylo. But this time, he didn’t feel happiness when Kylo turned up, on his bike. Just emptiness.

Some part, deep inside, had been hoping he wouldn’t show. Disappearing forever like smoke.

But, of course he did.

He always did.

Kylo noticed Hux’s expression the moment he pulled up, stopping his bike in the usual place -  _ their _ usual place.

Normally, Hux would walk up, greet him, then get on his rickety old bike, and wait for something to happen. Something always happened.

But, not this time.

“Hux?” Kylo asked, getting off his bike. He never did that. “What’s wrong?”

Hux’s mouth wouldn’t move. Like his lips were stuck together with glue. He felt like someone was pushing against his chest, forcing him backwards.

But he didn’t fall. He never fell. He just stood, lifelessly.

“I don’t want to see you again,” Hux said, finally.

Kylo’s brow furrowed, and he walked forward, but Hux held out his hands. “Don’t - don’t come any closer.”

“Hux - “

“I don’t want to see you, ever again,” Hux said, trying to stop his voice from shaking.

“Are you - “ Kylo started.

“Stop,” Hux cut him off. If Kylo asked one more question, he was sure he would cry, so he wouldn’t let him. “Don’t come near me.”

Kylo pressed forward, concern in his eyes. Those big, brown eyes. “Armitage - “

“Don’t call me that!” Hux yelled now, eyes stinging. “You’re dead to me!” But there was no bite to it. How could there be?

Kylo stopped dead in his tracks, looking hurt.

Hux felt as if he’d just kicked a puppy, but he continued. He had to.

“You think I’d ever be friends with someone like you?” Hux huffed out a laugh, but it felt wrong in his throat. This wasn’t him. But, he had to be this. He had to. “I was just killing time, seeing how the other half lived. It was tragic, really.”

“You’re not - you don’t...mean that,” Kylo said, although he didn’t sound sure.

Hux had already gotten to him. “Don’t I?” Tears ran down his cheeks, hot and wet. But he didn’t wipe them away.

Kylo stood for a while, frowning, like he was trying to make himself angry. But he just looked sad. He stormed back to his bike, and took off, without another word.

The next week, Kylo’s family moved out of state.

Hux never saw him again.


	2. Chapter 2

The flight to New York had been long and arduous. Not only that, but the inflight service had been horrendous. He’d asked for whiskey, no ice, and they’d given him whiskey, with _three_ _cubes_ of ice. Honestly, he should’ve had them fired. 

When Hux arrived at the hotel, Phasma was already at the bar, throwing back martinis like they were going out of fashion. And he thought _he_ was an alcoholic.

She was hitting on a lithe brunette when Hux approached, leaning against the bar like she was at a sleazy nightclub. 

Hux gestured at the brunette with a curt, “do you mind?”

Luckily she got the message, glaring at him as she left. 

Phasma looked at him then, scowling. “You know, some of us _want_ to get laid.”

“And others are far too busy for things of that calibre,” Hux replied, straightening his tie. A tick he had picked up over the past few years.

“Right, right,” Phasma said, blandly, “you don’t have fun, I forgot.”

“I’m not here to have ‘fun’, Phasma,” Hux replied, hailing the bartender.

“Of course,” Phasma said, sipping on her newly placed martini. “You’re here to lick the boots of American aristocrats.” 

Hux huffed out a laugh, before ordering a glass of whiskey. **No ice**.

“How was the flight?” Phasma asked.

“Awful,” Hux stated, not elaborating. He’d rather not relive the ordeal. 

“Did you try drinking?”

“I did consider it.”

The conversation ran dry after that, and Phasma swiftly excused herself with a brief, “Try to have a little fun while you’re here.” Picking up her martini, before adding, “your frown lines are starting to show.” She winked, walking off in search of the brunette Hux had ushered away.

Hux sipped at his drink, savouring the way the whiskey burnt down his throat, warming him in a way that nothing else could. He felt awkward drinking alone, but now that he thought about it, it probably made him look powerful and mysterious. Or so he’d heard.

Luckily for him, a blonde man in his twenties decided to ease that particular burden, leaning against the bar and giving Hux a slow once over. Subtle. 

“I have a thing for redheads,” the man said, smirking with a cockiness that made Hux gag.

“Oh? Do you?” Hux asked, feigning interest. He’d bite. He was bored, anyway.

“Yeah,” the man said, taking this as a sign to move closer. Hux had much preferred him at a comfortable distance, and the stains on his shirt weren’t much to look at, but Hux guessed it was the price to pay for accepting unwanted attention. “I’ve been here for almost a week now, and I can’t say I’ve seen anyone as striking as you.”

Hux rolled his eyes off to the side, burying himself in his drink. He was definitely going to need it. 

The man’s name was extremely uninteresting, something along the lines of ‘Jeremy’ or ‘Jason’. They talked for a bit - well, he said talked - the conversation mostly consisted of Jeremy talking about how beautiful his eyes were, as Hux scoffed into his whiskey. 

Jason had then wanted to go back to Hux’s room, but Hux had not-so-politely declined, claiming he, ‘wasn’t that type of girl’, and that his parents were probably expecting him back. As expected, the man who shall not be named stormed off, leaving Hux in beautiful, _beautiful_ silence. 

When Hux got to his room he collapsed onto the king-sized bed, luggage already waiting for him in the corner thanks to the vaguely attractive bus boy. He smoothed his hands over the silk sheets, breathing in the scent of fresh, expensive laundry.

After running a far-too-hot-for-human-bearability bath, and pouring almost all of the heavily scented bubble bath into it, he emerged from the bathroom in his silk robe, smelling distinctly of roses.

A few glasses of wine later and Hux was ready to work on his presentation. The meeting was tomorrow, and he needed to get everything in order before then. He started with the reasons his company could benefit theirs and continued on from there. Once he was done, he had a few pages of bullet points to memorise. 

Hux then started to unpack his bags, having always preferred things to be neat and in order. As he did so, he stumbled across a book, tucked into the bottom of the suitcase. It read, ‘The Quest Of Life’. He stared at it for a moment, face blank as he stood, tossing it into the bedside drawer, and pouring himself another glass of wine.

* * *

  
Hux turned up to the meeting restaurant a few minutes late. He had slept through three of his alarms, only waking when Phasma banged on his door to tell him they were serving complimentary croissants at the bar. 

His suit was pressed, not a single crease as he walked through the double doors, straightening his tie. The man at the door showed him to the table, where Johnathan and Marianne Braith were already sitting, drinks in front of them. 

The waiter pulled out a chair, and Hux sat, stiffly. “Apologies,” he said, opening the drinks menu, even though he knew what he wanted. “Traffic.”

“That’s quite alright,” Marianne said, sipping on her chardonnay. “No harm done.” She liked it room-temperature, with a hint of lemon zest. And Johnathan preferred scotch, dry, with a single cube of ice. 

It was fair to say that he had done a fair amount of research on the two. 

“A drink to start, sir?” the waiter asked.

“Scotch, please. No ice,” Hux said, closing the menu, as the waiter took it. 

Johnathan nodded at Hux, taking a sip of his own drink. “A scotch man, eh?”

“There’s nothing better than a nice, cold glass of Glencallan,” Hux said. He’d already rehearsed his lines. All he had to do now was play the part.

Johnathan huffed out a laugh, before looking at Marianne. “I like this one.” He gestured at Hux with his glass.

After a moment of idle, pointless banter, Marianne folded her hands together on the table, meeting Hux with a levelled expression. “So,” she said. “Let’s get straight to it, shall we?”

“Of course,” Hux said, fixing his attention solely on her. She seemed to be the main decision maker, having full control over her husband, who was fairly easy to impress by the looks of it. 

“Great,” Marianne said, before calling over the waiter again. “Another glass of scotch for my husband.”

Johnathan had already finished his drink, and was now slurping at the melting cube of ice at the bottom of the glass.

Hux bit back a grimace, hands neatly folded in his lap. 

“How would you say your company could benefit the Braith line of telemarketing?” Marianne asked, far too polite.

There’s nothing Hux hated more than feigned niceties, but he couldn’t complain if they were both acting now, could he? “Well,” Hux said, clearing his throat. “My company is successful, selling electronics in thirty-eight countries, not including those coast side,” he explained. “As you know, the market for electronics is thriving right now, and it’s only going to improve as time goes on. You’d be naive not to take an opportunity like this.”

Marianne bristled at the cloaked insult, but didn’t comment on it. Hux could tell by her eyes that she was interested. He could almost see the dollar signs reflected in her pupils. “What percentage would we get if we decided to join forces with your company?”

Hux took note of the purposeful, ‘If’. She was trying to act like they were on an equal playing field, in an attempt to improve her chances of getting a higher percentage. But, Hux knew better than that. “Zero-point-four percent,” Hux said, watching the way her expression dampened imperceptibly. 

“My company is worth millions,” Marianne said, jaw clenching.

“And mine, billions,” Hux said, biting back a smirk. He couldn’t seem too smug, or she’d outright deny his offer on spite alone. 

“Zero-point-six percent,” Marianne said, promptly.

“Deal,” Hux said, without blinking. He would’ve gone for more, but clearly she wasn’t the sharpest pencil in the pot.

“Right, let’s order food,” Johnathan said, uninterested.

Marianne called over a passing waiter. “Two steaks, medium rare.” She then turned to Hux. “What would you like, Mr. Hux?”

Hux was still looking at the food menu when he spoke. “The fillet mignon with the port and sesame dressing.” 

Then, he looked up.

It was as if time itself had stopped, freezing around him, trapping him in ice. He couldn’t breathe. 

The waiter stood tall beside the table, dark curls tied back in a knot, and even darker eyes staring back at him. The man had a moustache, and patch of beard covering his chin, but his smattering of moles and prominent facial features weren’t hard to pin down.

Hux recognised him almost immediately. So had Kylo, according to the look on his face.

They stared at each other for a moment, trapped in each other's gaze, before Kylo said, bluntly, “I’ll put in your order at the kitchen,” and leaving swiftly.

Hux watched Kylo go, talking to the man at the bar, before taking off his waist apron, and heading for the bathroom.

“What a rude waiter,” Marianne huffed.

Hux stood, abruptly. “I’m sorry, I need to…” he looked back at where Kylo had gone. “Excuse myself.” He left the table, following Kylo into the men’s washroom. It was large, and he had to search for a moment before he found Kylo, hands either side of the sink as he stared into the running water.

“Kylo…?” Hux said, slowly. 

Kylo looked up abruptly, meeting his eyes in the mirror. There was water dripping from his face, and his hair was no longer tied back. “It’s Ben,” he grit out, hands clenched either side of him. His eyes were noticeably red.

“Ben?” Hux asked, raising a brow. “But you hate that name - “

“Don’t talk to me like you know me!” Kylo shot back, cutting him off. His knuckles were turning white, and Hux had the briefest urge to run over and hug him, tell him everything. Tell him how sorry he was. But Hux just bit his tongue. “You don’t know me…” Kylo said after a while, “you don’t know anything about me.”

“I know you like cars,” Hux said, voice scared and unsure. Like he was trying to placate a sulking child. “I know your dad taught you to drive when you were six. Give or take.”

“Stop it.”

“I know that you love the rain, and hate coffee, even though you pretend to like it,” Hux continued, walking forward. He sounded far too fond. And that was dangerous. “Kylo…”

“That’s not my name!” Kylo said. He tore a paper towel from the dispenser and dried his hands like he was trying to fight himself. “Do me a favour,” he said, finally looking at Hux, face to face. “Don’t come here again.” He pushed past Hux, and left the bathroom, door slamming behind him. 

Hux stood there for a moment, staring at the space Kylo had once occupied. The water he had left around the sink. The paper towel in the wastebasket. He had been here. He had been right here. And Hux had let him slip through his fingers. Maybe he was turning into Maratelle, after all. 

Hux straightened his tie, before returning to the table, not an ounce of what had just happened tainting his expression. He had done this before. He could do it again.

He had to.

Marianne had invited him to a party to celebrate their new ‘alliance’, as if this was some kind of medieval television drama, and he was about to get murdered along with his friends and family, of which he had none, to a wonderful cello performance of Kesha’s ‘Party At A Rich Dude's House’. 

Of course, he accepted, like someone who knew how to interact with people socially. Because he did, to an extent. But when it came to small talk? Absolute carnage. Ask him what his favourite colour was? He’d just play dead. 

Hux stood at a table of unnecessarily spacious horderves, holding his third glass of wine. The good thing about parties like these is that the booze is complimentary. Although, whoever had designed this floral tablecloth needed to be shot on sight. His mind kept straying back to Kylo, standing there, looking at him as if he were something evil. Something putrid. 

After a few minutes of milling around, and realising that, no, he didn’t want any of the boiled eggs shaped like Ohio, Hux had decided to leave. But, before he could, a spiffy looking, brown-haired man sidled up to him.

The first thing that graced Hux’s mind was, ‘oh no, not this again’, but at first glance, the man didn’t seem like one of his usual admirers. 

“You know, I’ve never eaten a boiled egg shaped like Ohio before,” the man said, curled hair perfectly tousled, like he’d been caught in a light breeze. 

Hux smirked into his wine glass. “Honestly, me neither. And I’m not planning to.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” the man snorted. “Between you and me,” he said, shielding his mouth from view as he leant closer, conspiratorially. “The chefs not getting paid enough.” 

Hux couldn’t stop himself from laughing at that, not his usual mocking snicker, but an actual, genuine laugh. It took Hux a minute to compose himself, and the man just smiled, all teeth. Did Hux mention he had beautiful, white teeth? 

“I’m Poe,” the man said, after a while. He held out a hand.

Hux took it, shaking lightly. Poe had a firm grip, and his warm brown eyes were positively entrancing. Hux had to stop himself from staring too long, eyes swiftly moving to the horderves, which were substantially less interesting. 

But then came the small talk. 

Hux decided, against every instinct ever, to ask what Poe’s favourite colour was. Because that’s a conversation starter. 

Poe replied, rather casually with, ‘your eyes’, causing Hux to choke on his wine. Once Hux had recovered from his coughing fit, Poe said, “too much?”

“No, no…” Hux said, voice hoarse. “I was just...taken a little off guard.”

“Well, some would say that’s one of my best qualities,” Poe smirked again, and Hux had the urge to ask him to stop being so...enticing. 

“I wouldn’t completely attest to that,” Hux said. He wasn’t used to this - whatever _this_ was. He was used to being the one who knew all the answers, the composed one, the one at the top of the food chain. But somehow, he didn’t feel like that here. An equal playing field.

“If I’m being totally honest, I wasn’t even invited,” Poe said, pulling out a cigarette case, and tucking a cigarette behind his ear. “You know, people will believe anything if you act confidently enough.”

Hux raised a brow, before huffing out a laugh. “Talented, too. Maybe I should just hand over my company right now, and be done with it.” He then leant forward, hand shielding his mouth just like Poe had done. “The candlesticks go for a fortune on ebay.” 

Poe grinned, like an extremely attractive shark. “You wanna go for a cigarette?”

“It would be a pleasure,” Hux said, before following Hux out onto the balcony. It was dark, light spilling out from the open balcony doors, as classical music drifted into the night.

Poe took the cigarette from behind his ear, and placed it between his lips, lighting it. Hux watched him intently, looking away once Poe turned. 

Poe offered him one, but Hux declined, taking one from a gold cigarette case, and doing the same. He took a long drag, exhaling. Poe eyed the case as he put it back into his suit pocket.

“You really are money, huh,” Poe said, offhandedly. He then added, “you know, if you’re not careful, people might take advantage of you.” 

Hux raised a brow, ashing his cigarette. “Are you volunteering?”

Poe smirked, taking a drag. “Maybe I am.”

“Maybe I’d let you.” 

They smoked in silence for a moment, before Poe put out his cigarette, prompting Hux to do the same. Hux was about to say, ‘goodbye’, and leave, when Poe pushed him against the wall next to the door. He didn’t have to wait long before there were soft lips against his, tasting faintly of smoke, and bourbon. And yet, all he could think about was how much Poe’s eyes reminded him of Kylo’s. 

Poe pulled back a little, when Hux didn’t respond. “Are you into this? Or did I read the situation completely wrong?” 

Hux swallowed, shaking his head. “No, you read it...just fine, I just…”

“Bad breakup?” Poe asked.

Hux frowned, but nodded, not particularly wanting to explain the situation.

“That’s fine, I get it,” Poe said, stepping back, hands raised like he was backing away from a crime scene. He turned to leave, before stopping, and turning. “You should really be more careful though.”

“What do you mean?”

Poe held up Hux’s gold cigarette case. He tossed the case back to Hux, who just about caught it. “One for the road,” Poe said, tucking the cigarette behind his ear as he winked. 

And then, he was gone. 

The rest of the party was boring, and he’d tried to leave more than once. But Maratelle just kept introducing him to people - none of which he cared about acquainting himself with. He nodded, smiled, drank enough wine to kill a horse. By the time the night was over, Hux was exhausted.

He collapsed onto his bed when he arrived back, the perfect picture of someone who’d just had to converse with enough bank account numbers to end world hunger. He couldn’t sleep, however, mind constantly straying back to the bathroom. To Kylo. 

Hux sat up, pulling the book out of the bedside drawer. He rested it on his lap, staring down at it like it was going to fly up and bite him. He hadn’t opened it since that summer, since…

He always took it with him, though. Wherever he went. A reminder. Something to hold onto - keep him grounded.

Hux opened the book, carefully flipping through the pages. He knew exactly which page it was on.

He stopped, seven pages from the end. The shrivelled, old forget me not was there, stuck to the page. It had lost almost all of its colour, having long turned a motley brown, but it was still there, kept pressed between the pages. Frozen in time. 

Hux closed the book again, placing it on the bedside table. 

It didn’t take him long to find the mini bar in his room, and even less to empty it. 

He fell asleep, head spinning as he clutched the book tightly, hugging it to his chest. 

* * *

Hux awoke to a loud knocking on his hotel room door.

He groaned, head still spinning as he stood. The book was on the floor beside the bed, having fallen out of his hands at some point in the night. He picked it up, and put it on the bedside table, before stumbling over to the door. 

The knocking had gotten significantly louder by the time he reached it, light streaming in through the open curtains and searing into his retinas.

Hux opened the door to see Phasma standing there, fully dressed. She gave him a once over, half-naked in his silk robe.

“Fun night?” she asked, raising a brow as she peered into his room, as if she were expecting to see someone else there.

“Something like that,” Hux said, voice scratchy. 

Phasma strolled past him as he shut the door, looking over all the empty bottles scattered about the room. She sat on the bed, watching him carefully as he stood there, squinting through the light.

“You know,” Phasma said, slowly. “It’s my obligation as a friend to ask...whether you’re alright.”

“I’m fine,” Hux said, throat dry as he swallowed, bile at the back of his throat. He’d kill for a glass of cold water right about now. “I’m...yeah. Fine. Don’t worry about me. How was your night?”

Phasma looked at him dubiously, before huffing and patting the bed beside her. It looked like she wasn’t going to give him an out this time. “Tell momma Phasma what’s wrong.”

Hux plonked down next to her. “I’ll consider it. As long as you promise never to say _that_ again.”

“Deal,” she said, grinning.

Hux raked his fingers through his hair, sticking to his forehead with sleep sweat - or, wine sweat. He took an empty breath, not nearly easing the nausea bubbling in his chest.

“I saw him,” Hux said, after a moment.

“Who?”

“ _Him_.”

Phasma huffed out a laugh. “You’re going to have to be a bit more specific, Armie.”

“You know I hate it when you call me that,” Hux grumbled, but his voice was quite fond. He shifted on the bed. “Do you remember...Kylo?”

“That little Southside boy that you had a crush on in high school?” Phasma asked, brow raised.

“I did not have a - “ Hux started, but stopped himself, giving up almost immediately. “Oh, never mind. Yes. That Kylo.”

“Didn’t you tell him you never wanted to see him again?”

“I didn’t - that wasn’t - “

“What does he look like now? Is he hot?” Phasma asked, suddenly interested as she rested her head on her hand.

“That’s not the point,” Hux said, promptly. 

“Then what is the point?”

“He wouldn’t even look at me.” Hux could feel his eyes stinging, a sure-fire sign that he was about to lose his composure. He wasn’t going to cry. He had some dignity left.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek.

Or none at all.

Hux blamed it on his hangover.

“Oh, honey,” Phasma said, voice pained. “C’mere.” She tugged him into a hug, cradling his head against her chest.

Hux should pull back, pretend that everything was fine. Like he always did. Adorn his indifferent mask and work himself to death.

But, this time, he let himself feel it - the pain, the anger, the regret. 

Phasma ran her fingers through his hair as he cried, in an attempt to comfort him. She didn’t know what to do, either. She wasn’t used to this. To him. Being human. It wasn’t something he was - something he had time to be. Work always came first, just like his father had always told him. Repeated it, over and over again until there was nothing else.

That was his life. That was how he coped.

But it was slowly falling apart beneath him. The perfect castle he had built up over the years, made of the finest cut glass. Beautiful to look at, but weak to pressure. Apply the right amount, and it will shatter between your fingers. 

He had nothing left, but his own mind. And even that was betraying him. 

* * *

  
The next day, Hux found himself in the middle of a grocery store. He had called Phasma, after he’d realised that he’d forgotten everything she had told him to get. She hadn’t exactly given him a list.

“What do we need again?” Hux asked, eyeing a jar of pickles on the shelf in front of him. He hated pickles. In fact, he hated everything on this isle. He hated shopping, period.

Phasma laughed through the phone, voice slightly distorted. “Well, you’d better start with the basics. Are you in the dairy section?”

Hux frowned at the pickles in front of him. “Not...exactly.” He moved to change isles, but stopped as he saw someone walk through the door.

It was Kylo. Holding a baby.

Well, fate be fucking damned. 

Hux hid himself, holding the phone closer to his ear as he muttered a quick, “I’ll call you back,” and hung up. He shoved the phone deep into his pocket, as if it was going to give away his position somehow.

Kylo hadn’t been so happy to see him last time, and he didn’t want to cause a ruckus in the middle of a grocery store. 

Hux peered around the isle, making sure Kylo wasn’t intending on going down this particular isle. Was he babysitting? Hux definitely couldn’t imagine the Kylo he knew with a kid. It really had been a long time. 

Hux had been hiding in the same isle for about two minutes, debating whether or not to approach Kylo, when fate, once again, decided for him.

He heard a distinct, “I’m sorry, sir, but your cards been declined.”

Hux peered around the isle again, to see Kylo standing there, baby in one hand, credit card in the other. He looked distraught when he said, “look, can you just...check it again? Please?”

The woman behind the counter did so, but it made the same, stagnant beeping sound. “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t serve you. Would you like me to call your card company?”

“No, no, I’ll just - “ he picked up the diapers and baby formula that had been sitting on the counter, clearly preparing to put them back and leave.

Hux hesitated for a brief second, before taking a hurried breath, and waltzing over to the counter. He swiftly pulled out his wallet, and handed the cashier a twenty. “It’s alright, I’ll pay.”

Kylo looked up abruptly, expression quickly morphing from one of confusion, to one of anger. He swiped up his things, and stormed out of the store. And Hux thought he was one for running away from his problems. 

“Would you like your change, sir?”

“No, uh - “ Hux said, fumbling with his wallet. “You - you keep it.” He ran to catch up with Kylo.

“Kylo wait!” he called out, jogging over as Kylo strapped his baby into the back seat of his car. A beaten down, red Volvo. 

“Stop following me!” Kylo shot back once he had closed the door. “I don’t need charity. Especially not from you.”

Those last words hurt, but Hux tried to keep his expression levelled. “It’s not charity...I just wanted to help,” Hux said, floundering. He didn’t know what to say, how to make things better. He was usually good at reading people, voicing his opinions - but Kylo made him weak, an unintelligible mess. Especially when he looked at Hux like some sort of wounded animal, ready to tear his teeth into whatever was closest.

“I don’t need you,” Kylo said, harshly, before getting into the driver's seat, and slamming the door closed behind him. Hux could’ve sworn he saw the window shudder from the force of it.

Kylo backed out, and drove off, leaving Hux alone in the parking lot.

Hux wanted to chase the car, to scream and cry, and somehow get Kylo to stop and come back. To talk to him. To reminisce about all the time they’d missed without each other.

Hux wanted to tell Kylo how lost he’d been without him. How lost he still was.

But that wasn’t realistic. Kylo hated him - _despised_ him. 

They’d never be what they were.

And Hux had no one to blame but himself.

* * *

  
When Hux returned, without the cinnamon Phasma had expressly asked for, she was more than a little irritated. 

“Why do you need cinnamon anyway?” Hux huffed.

“Because,” Phasma said, digging into the french toast she’d ordered. “They never put enough cinnamon on it.” She gestured to the french toast. “Does this toast look aptly cinnamoned to you?”

Hux looked at it, crossing his arms. “I have no idea.”

Phasma scoffed at him, shoving another large piece into her mouth. “You know, sometimes, I wonder how you make so much money. If you can’t even decide whether or not there’s enough cinnamon on a piece of french toast, then what are you even good for?”

“You’re completely right,” Hux said, plonking down on the bed. “I should just quit while I’m ahead.”

Phasma continued eating, before speaking, mouth full. “I don’t even have to look at you to know that you’re sulking.”

“I’m not sulking,” Hux said, sulking.

“What happened this time?” Phasma asked, leaning back in her chair. It had taken her less than a minute to scarf down three slices of french toast. Surely that must be a world record somewhere. “You see a malnourished, stray cat on the street again?”

“Listen, It only had one eye! It was sad!” Hux replied, before fisting his hands on the bed either side of him. He was silent for a moment, before he said, quietly, “I saw him again.”

“Again?” Phasma asked, huffing out a laugh. “Are you sure you’re not stalking him?”

Hux just scowled at her.

“Alright, alright,” she said, raising her hands defensively. “Did you say anything to him? Or did you both just stare at each other longingly from across the room?”

“More like a death stare,” Hux replied, “he doesn’t want anything to do with me. His card got declined, and I couldn’t just stand there. He has a _kid_.” 

“Vagrant Kylo has a kid?” Phasma said, brow raised. “Now that’s a turn of events.”

“He wasn’t a vagrant,” Hux replied, before internally kicking himself for being so ready to defend Kylo’s honour. At one point, Kylo would have done the same. “And yes, he has a kid. So naturally, I paid for him.”

Phasma laughed. “Honey, that’s like, rule number one of men. Never pay for them. It undermines their masculinity, and all that shit.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “I don’t think that was the reason. Well, maybe part of it. But it’s most likely because I told him I was only pretending to be friends with him because I was bored.”

“Ouch, yeah, that’d do it.”

“You’re not helping.”

“Do you know anyone else close to him?” Phasma asked, sincerely. “Anyone that could have more insight on the matter? Maybe even talk to him for you?”

“I don’t…” Hux started, before someone immediately came to mind. “Rey. His cousin. The family were close, she moved with him. Maybe she’s here too?” It was optimistic, but it wasn’t like there was anything else to go on.

“Right, well, that’s a start,” Phasma said, pleased with herself. “Do you know what she looks like?”

“Brown hair, brown eyes,” Hux said.

“So, pretty much anyone within a twenty mile radius?” Phasma huffed, “give me something distinct.”

“Well, she wasn’t all that distinct, from what I remember,” Hux retorted. Other than her personality, of course.

After a moment, Phasma said, “hold on, I have an Idea.” Not the most reassuring thing she had ever said. She pulled out her phone, swiping around for a minute, before turning her screen around to show Hux. “This her?”

It was a picture of a girl with brown hair, tied up in a familiar stubby little knot. She was doing a peace sign in front of a Taco Bell, the epitome of class. The name below the picture read, ‘Rey Kenobi,’ and below was a fairly short bio. Twenty seven year old law student, working at Seven Eleven. ‘I like long walks on the beach, and beating up the homeless.’

Hux frowned at the screen. “Is that Tinder?”

Phasma pulled her phone away, avoiding the question. “Well, you’d better get to Seven Eleven before it closes.”

“It’s open twenty four seven,” Hux deadpanned. “Oh, and one more thing. There are five hundred Seven Elevens in New York.”

Phasma raised a brow. “Why do you know that?”

“Reasons.”

Then, Phasma looked at her phone again. “I mean, It says that she’s only a few feet away from me. So, it can’t be that far.”

“No wonder there are so many stalkers on that thing,” Hux mused.

* * *

  
Hux found Rey at his third Seven Eleven. She was at the cash register, mind somewhere else entirely, as she wrote off to the side, stopping every once in a while to tap the pen on her bottom lip in thought.

Hux walked in, grabbing a bag of chips, and heading for the counter. The place was fairly empty, a few stragglers here and there - who may or may not have been shoplifting.

A packet of cigarettes, please. Marlboro,” Hux said, putting down his chips, and causing Rey to look up, pen in hand.

She clearly recognised him, according to the sour look on her face. “That’ll be twelve ninety-eight, sir,” Rey said, blankly, not looking up at him as she tapped on the cash register.

“Rey, I know you know it’s me,” Hux said, handing her the money.

“Have a good day,” she said, snatching it from him. “Next!” she called out, loud enough to burst Hux’s eardrums. Hux looked around, but there was no one else in the immediate vicinity.

“Rey, please, just listen to me,” Hux said, following her along the counter as she moved to avoid him.

“I have nothing to say to you,” Rey stated, pretending to clean the already spotless counter.

“He won’t…talk to me,” Hux said, feeling his voice crack. Rey looked up at that, some amount of pity in her eyes. “Please,” he continued.

She frowned at him for a moment, before sighing. “My breaks in fifteen minutes.”

Hux stood outside, having already gone through four cigarettes by the time Rey left the store, joining him. 

Hux offered her a cigarette, and she took it.

“You know, when I first met you, you wouldn’t have been caught dead with a cigarette,” she mused, taking a drag.

“Yes, well,” Hux said, exhaling. “Things change.”

“They really do,” Rey huffed out a laugh. “Ben has a fuckin’ kid, _of all things_.”

Hux took a long drag, trying not to wonder how exactly that came to be. “I _was_ wondering who those diapers were for.”

“Yep, he’s a proud father of one,” Rey said, slightly mocking. “Grace. She’s two now, I think. I wasn’t invited to her last birthday party. Apparently, it’s ‘rude’ to raid someone else’s alcohol pantry and drink all of their tequila.”

Hux laughed. “Well, I can see why you were banned.”

“Listen, It had been a stressful year,” Rey replied, taking a drag. “Plus, the baby momma’s a total bitch.” Hux smiled a little at that, glad that Rey hadn’t changed her tune. It was refreshing, in a way. “She only cares about Grace when she can dress her up like a doll, and flaunt her around like a glorified accessory. It’s like one of those sad lap dog owners who dress their dogs up like people - except this one just went straight to the baby.”

“That sounds...terrifying,” Hux said. His expressed had dampened a little at the thought of Kylo being married, so In a brief lapse of judgement, he added, “are they...happy together?”

Rey smirked, immediately catching on. She always had been rather perceptive. “Hell no. They hate each other. Sarah’s trying to get full custody.” Her expression changed then, to one more somber. “Kylo’s in so much debt from taking out loans to pay his lawyer, he’s working two jobs just to stay above water. I honestly don’t know how he’d cope if he lost Grace.” She then added, just for effect, “especially to that half-pint bimbo who doesn’t know the difference between good tequila and battery acid.”

Hux bit his lip. “You know, I could…”

“He wouldn’t take it. He’s too…” She gestured vaguely. “ _Him_.”

“Well, that definitely clears things up.”

Rey snickered. “You of all people should know what he’s like.”

“I’m not sure I do...anymore,” Hux replied, taking a drag.

They were both silent for a moment, before Rey spoke. “What happened between you two, anyway? He never...told me. But I knew it must’ve been bad.”

Hux swallowed, hard. It was far too early to have a heart to heart, especially without a decent amount of alcohol, but, he gave her the rundown, trying to keep it as brief as possible.

“Wow. Your dad sounds like a cunt,” Rey huffed.

They were both silent again, as Hux handed Rey another cigarette.

“You know, he called me that night,” she said, holding her cigarette out to the side. “When he saw you at the restaurant. He sounded pretty rough, like he’d been drinking. His voice was shaking when he told me about it. I’ve never heard him like that before.”

“Well, at least we both had the same reaction,” Hux said, trying to lighten the mood.

Rey gave him a ‘look’, much like the one she used to give Kylo back in the day. It was strangely comforting.

“When we moved here, Kylo was in and out of prison for a while. Got in with a bad crowd. The usual excuses. That’s when he met Sarah, decided to turn his life around. She got him a job at the restaurant. But things went downhill, they got divorced soon after Grace was born.”

“I’m...sorry to hear that,” Hux said.

“No you’re not,” Rey huffed out a laugh.

Hux just smirked. 

“I can talk to him,” she said, after a moment. “But I can’t promise anything.”

“That’s all I ask. I just want a chance to make it up to him.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to do a pretty damn good job of it,” Rey continued, before putting her cigarette out on the sidewalk. “He really did love you.”

“I loved him too…” Hux said, trailing off, before he added, a little quieter, “I still do.”

Rey glanced down at her watch. “I’d better get back to work.”

“Wait,” Hux said, stopping her. He pulled a business card from his pocket, and held it out to her. “Give him this...In case he changes his mind.”

Rey nodded, taking it.

And then, Hux was alone.

He smiled to himself, before hailing a cab.

Hope was a dangerous thing. 

* * *

  
Hux stood, sipping from a glass of wine like it was a melting ice cream.

Phasma had decided it would be a good idea to bring him along to an art exhibit nearby, even though Hux hated art and everything it stood for. Including ‘exhibits’. What a pretentious word for ‘showing people shit they don’t care about and waiting for them to appraise you on it’.

The exhibit was taking place on a top floor studio that looked like it had been empty for close to a century. 

Phasma was currently talking to a woman about a painting that was literally just a smudge on a canvas. Hux wanted to leave. But he promised Phasma he’d stay. Why did he say things he didn’t mean?

It hadn’t gone well for him last time.

Hux stopped In front of a large painting, after acquiring another full glass of wine. They really did just give them out like flyers here.

The painting was a depiction of a man with dark hair, lying on a bed, naked body barely covered by a white sheet. It looked like one of those old niche Victorian paintings your mother told you not to look at while you were visiting your grandmother’s house. The man was holding up his own heart, as if trying to keep it above water.

It was a strange painting, to say the least. He read the inscription. ‘Jilted Lover, by Martell Demarrias.’

Hux scoffed, taking a fairly large gulp of wine.

A man came up beside him, before speaking in a distinct french accent. “A lovely piece, isn’t it?”

Hux squinted, wine already taking effect. “You could say that.”

“To me, It signifies loss. The aching need for another being, something truly alive in this world of excess,” the man said, gesturing, “he holds his heart above him, to protect it from himself, and others.”

“Sounds like a lot of pretentious wank to me,” Hux said, his famous filter nowhere to be found. 

The man laughed heartily. “You may be right.” He then pulled a business card from his shirt pocket, and handed it to Hux. It was a business card. It read, ‘ _Martell Demarrias, painter and poet_.’

Hux looked up abruptly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean - “

Martell raised a hand, shushing him. “It is quite alright, monsieur. We say how we feel, eh?”

“It’s a great painting, I’m just…” Hux started, biting his lip. What better time to spill his guts than to a stranger at an art exhibit? “A bit depressed. In all honesty.”

“Ah, yes,” Martell said, “I completely understand. Life is thwart with challenges, eh?” He was silent for a moment, before saying, “love is a curse, but also a blessing. Hold onto It while you can.” Hux frowned at him, as he patted Hux on the shoulder. “Enjoy the rest of your night.”

Then, he was alone again. A recurring theme. The painting seemed to be mocking him - judging him for all his past mistakes.

He needed some fresh air.

Hux went outside onto the balcony, overlooking the streets of New York. It had started to snow, small white shards falling like glass around him. He lit a cigarette, and let it soothe him.

After a moment, Phasma joined him, obviously having noticed his absence.

“It’s cold,” she said, as if it were a surprise, hugging her arms around herself.

Hux said nothing, handing her a cigarette.

“Not your scene?” Phasma asked, taking a drag.

“I prefer to wallow alone,” Hux said.

Light spilled out from the glass doors behind them, warming the night.

Hux took a long drag, watching the smoke pool in front of him, embers flaking off into the dark.

There was nothing but silence between them for a while.

“If you could go back...change things,” Phasma said, “would you?”

“Are you kidding?” Hux huffed out a laugh. “I would’ve left that hell hole years ago. Told my dad to stick it, and gone - as far away as possible.”

“What about your business?” Phasma asked, smoke curling around her lips.

“ _His_ business,” Hux said, “It was always his dream. His life. Not mine.” Hux took a drag, exhaling. “This business, this... _act_ , it means nothing to me. It never did.”

“So, what would you do?”

“Go somewhere new. Start my own life. Something that’s mine. No one else’s,” Hux said, watching a car go by below. “You know, I always wanted to be an architect.”

“Really?” Phasma asked, raising a brow. “I can picture it. You, notepad and pencil in hand, lead all over your fingers, scribbling like mad. Then, when you return home, to your mansion, that you designed, there’s some hot, shirtless firefighter, waiting for you.”

“Well, give me a little dignity, why don’t you?” Hux huffed. 

“Honey, you haven’t had that in years.”

They both laughed at that.

* * *

  
The next afternoon, Hux received a call from an unknown number.

He recognised the voice immediately, low, vibrating through the phone. “I wouldn’t call if I had any other choice,” Kylo said, promptly.

“Starting off on a good note, then,” Hux replied, trying to keep the conversation light. Had Kylo considered his offer?

“I have to work tonight, and there’s no one else to look after Grace…” Kylo started, sounding extremely uncomfortable.

Hux knew where this was going. Kylo wanted him to babysit. He was vaguely tempted to hang up, but maybe this was his chance to make it up to Kylo.

“Alright,” Hux said, after a moment.

“I can’t...pay you - “

“I know.”

There was silence for a moment, only the sound of Kylo’s breath on the other line. “I’m in the West Street apartment complex, on the fourth floor. Room seven. Can you be here by six?”

That was across town, so he’d have to leave half an hour early. In some strange way, It felt like they were setting up a date. Although, It was more like a play-date, now that he thought about it.

“Yes, I’ll be there,” Hux said, resolutely.

Kylo hung up without another word.

When six o’clock came around, Hux was standing outside Kylo’s apartment, pacing. He’d been here for twenty minutes now, waiting around in the grungy hallway. He was too scared to knock. Even though Kylo had been the one to ask him to come, he still felt as if he wasn’t wanted here. Or anywhere, for that matter.

After a moment, Hux finally knocked on the door. Three brief raps that sounded faintly like gunfire. 

The door opened almost immediately, and Kylo was standing there, In front of him, dressed for work in his black shirt and pants. He was holding Grace, who was crying as he jogged her at his hip. 

Kylo gestured impatiently for Hux to come in, and he did, before Kylo shut the door with his arm.

“Alright,” Kylo said, clearly in a hurry as he handed Grace to Hux, before giving him a quick tour of the apartment. “Her cribs over here, and there’s a full bottle in the fridge. Put it in the pot to heat it up, and test it on the back of your hand before giving it to her. There are diapers in bathroom.

Hux cringed inwardly at the word, ‘diapers’, nodding awkwardly as he jogged Grace at his hip, the way he’d seen Kylo do. She was still crying - loud and annoying.

This was going to be a long night.

Kylo left soon after, telling Hux he’d be back around twelve.

Hux shushed Grace, grabbing one of the toys from the couch. A stuffed, grinning cat. It was pretty terrifying. He shook it in front of her face, as if she were a dog. “Look! It’s a cat!”

She stopped crying, almost entranced as she stared at it.

“See? Life isn’t so bad,” Hux said, softly, as he sat down on the couch with her. She took the cat in her hands like it was something strange, an alien object, before shaking it like Hux had, and laughing. “Well, that isn’t completely true,” he continued, “things are fine now, while you’re young. But when you get older?” He huffed. “Taxes, buses, car insurance. You’ll be lucky to get a break, let alone a good night's sleep. And then, you have to hold down a stable job without offing yourself, and somehow make enough money to keep a house. Although, let’s be honest here, no one today is going to be able to afford a house of their own. The economy has gone to sh - “ Hux stopped himself, remembering he was talking to a baby, who definitely could not understand a word he was saying.

Grace cooed up at him, grabbing onto his tie. She wrung it between her grubby little hands, before pulling, with a surprising amount of force.

“Careful, Grace,” Hux said, trying to carefully pull her hands from his tie. “That’s worth more than a car.”

Hux turned on the Tv, making sure it wasn’t too loud. There was nothing interesting on, as per usual - a few tele-dramas, and of course, the _news_. He’d always hated that particular brand of broadcasting. Filled with death and poverty, it was a bit depressing. He couldn’t understand how people could watch it every day without blowing their brains out. 

Grace had fallen asleep on his lap, after having scrunched his tie for all it was worth. But, he found that he didn’t mind that much. It was just a tie, after all.

He carefully deposited Grace into her crib, avoiding the indistinct mobile hanging above it. There was a little seahorse night light to one side, and he turned it on, before deciding to take a look around Kylo’s apartment. A small, disappointing bathroom. A kitchenette attached to the bland, uneventful living room. Kylo’s room was barely big enough to fit a double mattress, on the floor, covered in discarded clothes. The top sheet was pooled around the end of it, thin and ratty. It didn’t leave much to the imagination.

Against Hux’s better judgement, he decided to give the place a quick clean. He folded all of the clothes and put them in the slide-door cupboard that smelt faintly of mould. After cleaning the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living room, he had fallen asleep on the couch, television droning on in the background.

Hux was startled awake when Kylo stumbled through the door, and into his room, collapsing onto the mattress.

Hux stood, quietly making his way over to the open room. He leant against the doorframe. Kylo was already asleep, still wearing his work clothes and shoes, sprawled out on his front. He hadn’t even pulled the sheet over himself, clearly having collapsed from exhaustion. 

Hux huffed lightly, before walking over to him, and pulling off his shoes. Kylo didn’t budge as he did this, so Hux assumed he was fast asleep.

After placing the shoes neatly in the corner, Hux grabbed the blanket at the foot of the mattress, and tugged it over Kylo. Then, he crouched beside Kylo’s sleeping frame. Kylo looked so peaceful when he slept, lips parted slightly, face lax. Hux wondered what he dreamt of, if he dreamt at all.

Hux reached out a hand, slowly, warily, tucking a strand of hair behind Kylo’s ear. Hux watched him for a moment, listening to his soft breaths, as a fond smile tugged at his lips. He stood, and turned to leave, but before he could, Kylo grabbed his wrist.

“Stay,” Kylo said, voice incredibly quiet, even in the silence.

Hux swallowed, taken off guard by the request. He couldn’t stay. Phasma would wonder where he was. Or not, if she had decided to go out drinking tonight.

Hux stood there for a moment, before nodding, mostly to himself. He slid off his pants, and slipped into bed beside Kylo. He laid there awkwardly, staring up at the ceiling in the dark, before Kylo spoke again.

“Hold me,” he said.

Hux didn’t move for a while, almost contemplating whether or not it was a good idea. Then, he turned, and shuffled closer to Kylo, putting a hand on his clothed arm. He let his head lean forward to rest against Kylo’s back. 

He still smelt the same. Pine and smoke. 

Hux wanted to drown in it. 

They fell asleep like that, listening to soft breaths, and feeling each other’s heartbeat.

* * *

When Hux woke up, he was alone on the mattress. He sat up, abruptly, rubbing at his sleep dried eyes as his half-conscious mind tried to figure out where he was. Right. He was at Kylo’s apartment. Memories of last night came flooding back, and he massaged his forehead. 

Hux got out of bed, and walked out into the kitchenette. Kylo was there, leaning against the counter, drinking coffee. 

“What time is it?” Hux asked, squinting lightly. 

“Early,” Kylo said, sipping his coffee.

Hux huffed, leaning back against the wall. The cold wallpaper felt nice against his head. 

“Coffee?” Kylo asked.

“No. Thanks.”

Kylo huffed out a laugh. “You always say that.”

Hux eyed him. “Do I?”

Kylo cleared his throat, averting his gaze.

Neither of them said anything for a while. The silence hung there, uncomfortably.

“About last night…” Hux started, finally, watching Kylo’s expression drop. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything, after all.

“Yeah, sorry about that, I was…” Kylo said, looking down into his coffee cup. “I was tired. I didn’t know what I was saying.”

Ah. Hux bit his lip. “Right. Of course.” He paused, before he said, weakly, “all is forgiven.”

Grace started crying then, and Kylo rushed over to pick her up. “Looks like someone wants her morning bottle, huh?”

Hux straightened. “Right, well, It was nice seeing you. If you don’t need anything else, I’ll get out of your way.” He started to walk towards the door, before Kylo stopped him. 

Hux brightened, hoping Kylo would ask him to stay, like he did last night. But, his hope was short lived.

“You should probably put some pants on first.”

Hux looked down at himself, face reddening as he realised he wasn’t currently wearing any. “Yes, that would be...a good idea.” He hurried back into the bedroom to retrieve his slacks, hopping into them. 

He left Kylo’s apartment, feeling as if he’d just been hit by a truck. It had been stupid of him to get his hopes up, to think things had gone back to the way they were. 

They would never be like they were.

Those two, carefree kids, hopelessly in love with each other.

Things would never be the same.

They were both different people entirely, having been broken by the systems that be. Knocked down to their lowest level, helpless to change.

Hux walked back to the hotel instead of taking a taxi, digging his heels into the pavement. He wanted it to last. This feeling. This pain. He wanted to live here, in this moment - remind himself that things were over, and that wasn’t going to change.

He’d lived through the past thirteen years; he could do it again.

Or maybe he’d just jump off a bridge. His dad had always said he’d been weak, naive. Maybe this was proof of that. 

Either way, he didn’t care anymore.

Hux picked up a tea on the way back, and a coffee for Phasma. When he arrived, Phasma was already in his room, probably having seduced the bus boy to get entry. 

He placed the coffee down in front of her, and sat down on the bed. Chairs were too good for him.

Phasma eyed him with a knowing smirk. “Are you going to tell me where you were last night? Or should I leave it up to my imagination. 

“Not so fast,” Hux huffed. “I was babysitting.”

“Since when do babysitters stay overnight?”

“Since it was late, and I didn’t want to catch a cab,” Hux lied, easily. Although, it wasn’t completely untrue. 

“Did you put out an ad on craigslist or something?” Phasma mused. “Last time I checked, you didn’t have anyone to babysit for, unless…”

“Kylo called me,” Hux said, cutting her off. He sipped his tea, already lukewarm.

Phasma raised a brow. 

“It wasn’t like that,” Hux replied, defensively. “I was just babysitting. Like I said. He didn’t have anyone else, and I just happened to be free.”

“So, he’s using you now?” 

“It’s the least I could do, after…” Hux trailed off, grimacing as he took another sip. This tea was awful. It tasted like they had left the water next to a tea bag for a few days, and then served it to him. 

“Are things good between you now, then?” Phasma asked, drinking her coffee. She too grimaced when she realised it wasn’t hot in the slightest. 

“Not...exactly.”

“Then why do it?”

“I just...wanted to see him. Again.”

“You’re so smitten and you don’t even realise it. Even after all these years,” she sighed, standing. “I’m going to get some real coffee. Wanna come?”

“No, I’ll stay.”

“Alright, I’ll bring you back something.” Phasma winked, before walking over to him, and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on yourself while I’m gone.”

Hux huffed out a self-deprecating laugh. “Don’t ask me for the impossible.”

* * *

  
That night, Hux decided to drown his sorrows in a nearby bar. Phasma was probably doing the same in the one across the street, so he didn’t feel too bad as he sat at the bar and ordered two drinks. One for now, and one for when he finished the first one. Hux called it planning ahead. 

He had a habit of accidentally listening to other people’s conversations while he was in public spaces. His ears would just perk up like a dogs, and he’d just happen to catch the tail end of a conversation about why Jessica’s husband left her to pursue his dream of becoming a technician. 

Hux downed the first drink, immediately moving to the next. He wasn’t one of those, ‘drink water in between drinks’, kinda guys, even though it would prevent a worse hangover in the morning. But, hey, he didn’t think _that_ far ahead. 

As soon as he took a sip of the fresh drink, he heard the barstool creak beside him. Hux looked up to see the man from the other night - Poe, if he remembered correctly.

Poe didn’t seem surprised to see him. “Fancy seeing you here, Ginger.” 

Hux bristled at the nickname, but didn’t comment, raising his drink in solidarity, as he downed it, coughing lightly. 

“Rough day?” Poe asked, eyeing Hux, before ordering his own drink

“You could say that.” Hux went to order another, but Poe stopped him, putting a hand on his own. 

“Maybe you should slow down on the bourbons, huh?” There was no malice to his tone, no judgement - just concern. Poe’s eyes did the same thing that Kylo’s used to do, when he was worried, or sulking.

Fuck. He needed to stop thinking about him. It was over, and that was that.

Hux slumped against the bar, resting his head in his hands. His indifferent facade had been harder to keep over the last few days, and he found himself all too bare - too naked to the world. He wasn’t used to being genuine. Or alive, for that matter. Finally, he was feeling the brunt of everything he’d been avoiding. And it did not feel good.

They drank in silence for a moment - well, Poe drank, Hux just sat there, wishing he was drinking. 

“The next ones on me,” Poe said, slapping down a twenty. “I gotta go take a leak.”

Poe got up, and headed for the bathroom. 

Hux just stared at the money, mind constantly straying back to things he didn’t want to think about. He couldn’t get away from it, no matter how hard he tried. 

Hux didn’t have to think long before following Poe into the bathroom. 

Poe was washing his hands in the sink, when Hux walked in, before slamming him against the wall, and kissing him. If you couldn’t run from your problems, then bury them deeper. 

Poe seemed startled, but pushed back with just as much fervour, moving Hux back into one of the stalls, and locking it behind them. 

“Damn, ginger,” Poe said against Hux’s lips. “I didn’t know you were so feisty.”

Hux, never having been a fan of talking, grabbed Poe’s crotch, before he said, “just fuck me.”

Poe huffed out a laugh. “That’s the plan.”

Poe undid his pants, and Hux followed. He wasn’t fluent in the art of ‘casual sex’, but he got the gyst of it. The gyst being fucking. 

Poe turned Hux around swiftly, pushing him face first into the stall wall. Hux turned his head abruptly, before he acquired a broken nose, and soon his pants were around his ankles, along with his underwear. Hux hadn’t exactly dressed for the occasion - but, then again, how did one dress for these kinds of things? 

“You bring anything?” Poe asked, and it took Hux a minute to figure out what he meant.

“Uh...no.” He hadn’t _actually_ been planning to do this. 

“Well, you’re lucky I always come prepared,” Poe huffed around a laugh.

“That makes one of us,” Hux mumbled against the wall. Anticipation coursed through him as he waited, listening to Poe tear open a packet with his teeth.

It started slow, but soon increased in fervour, as both of them searched for release. About halfway through, someone walked into the bathroom - which, in theory, made sense, since it was, in fact, a bar bathroom - but, It definitely gave them both a scare, the fear of which soon turned to muffled laughter.

They parted ways just like they had met, short and sweet, neither of them expecting to see each other again. Maybe they were both hiding from something?

* * *

It was two days later when Hux received another call from Kylo, just as unexpected as the last. 

“I’ll be there at six,” Hux said, not bothering to wait for Kylo to explain. 

Kylo huffed over the line. “I didn’t even tell you what - “

“Why else would you be calling me?”

Silence for a moment. “Bring something to eat.” Before he hung up. 

Hux arrived at Kylo’s apartment on time, with a plastic bag. Some leftovers from last night’s pizza, and a can of diet coke. He was trying to watch his sugar intake. The whole thing was terribly common, and Hux found himself squirming as he waited for Kylo to answer the door.

When Kylo finally answered, he was dressed for work, again, clean cut, hair tied back neatly. Hux walked past him, as he said, “Grace is still napping, but I doubt she’ll stay that way.”

Hux deposited his bag on the kitchenette counter. “Can I use your fridge?” he asked, turning the can of coke in his palm.

Kylo scowled at him. “No.”

Hux looked mildly taken aback, before Kylo started laughing, and it was his turn to frown. “Very funny.”

“Come on, It was kinda funny.”

Hux just crossed his arms. 

“Alright, alright,” Kylo said, heading for the door, keys in hand. “Bottles in the fridge, diapers in the bathroom.”

“I know,” Hux replied.

“I’ll be back around twelve.” And then, Kylo was gone.

“I know that too…” Hux muttered to himself as he plonked down on the couch. He cringed, before pulling a toy out from underneath him. A fucking duck with a bowtie? What was that about?

It wasn’t long before Grace started crying, and he scooped her out of her crib, which was strangely, situated in the living room. Hux shushed her, jogging her at his hip. “Do you want something to drink?”

She didn’t answer, naturally. Just cried, loud and obnoxious. Like babies tended to do. 

Hux went over to the fridge, and took out Grace’s bottle. It was half-full, and he put it in a pot Kylo had left on the stove. 

Once it had been on for a while, he took it out and tested it on the back of his hand, hissing. Too hot. Hux left it on the counter, hoping the AC would cool it as he went over to one of the toys on the floor, picking it up. He waved it in front of Grace’s face, but it didn’t seem to grab her attention this time. Yeah, definitely hungry.

Hux had acquired a substantial headache by the time the bottle was cool enough, having tested it about five times over the past twenty minutes. He sat down on the couch with Grace in his lap, and tipped up the bottle. Grace drank from it, hungrily. 

Hux burped her once she had her fill, and put the bottle back in the fridge. He played with her for a while, before changing her diaper, and putting her to bed. She hadn’t even done that much, and she was already tired. Hux could relate.

It was eleven something when Hux sat down to watch Tv, after having cleaned Kylo’s apartment for the second time. There was one of those cheesy rom-coms on, and he found himself glued to it. Although, of course, he wouldn’t actually admit he was enjoying the absolute drivel that was currently playing, pegging it down to the fact that there was nothing else on at this time. 

When the door opened, Hux abruptly turned off the television, jumping up as he straightened his clothes. He wasn’t sure why he did that, like he was trying to impress someone. Kylo eyed him as he walked in, before locking the door behind himself.

“Welcome home,” Hux said, before grimacing as he realised he sounded like a far-too-eager housewife.

“Did you eat yet?” Kylo asked, dropping his keys into the pot on the table by the door, and hanging up his coat. 

“Uh...no,” Hux said, realising only now that he’d completely forgotten. With the baby, and the rom-com, he hadn’t had much time to think about food.

“Would you like to eat with me?”

The question took Hux entirely off guard, and he froze for a moment, before he said, “yes. That would be...good,” and cringing again. Why was he so nervous?

Kylo went over to the fridge and pulled out his own covered food, along with Hux’s leftovers. He put them in the microwave, one after the other, as Hux sat at the kitchenette counter, twiddling his thumbs.

Kylo placed a bowl in front of Hux, and one in front of himself as he sat on the only other stool, which just so happened to be right next to Hux.

Hux started to dig into his potato casserole that he’d ordered from room service last night. He hadn’t realised how hungry he was until he started eating, trying his hardest not to brush Kylo’s arm with his own. Which, in retrospect, shouldn’t have been that hard - but, of course, Kylo had to have the largest arms known to man.

“We haven’t really... _talked_...about what happened,” Kylo said, breaking the silence.

Hux almost choked on the piece of food he had been swallowing. He paused for a moment, in an attempt to gather himself. But, then again, was that even possible at this point? “No. We haven’t, have we.”

Kylo shifted in his seat. “We don’t...have to.”

So many pauses, it was making Hux squirm. Why was Kylo nervous too? He was supposed to be the indifferent one in all this. They both were. “No. We probably do.” He let out the breath he’d been holding. “I’m so sorry, Kylo.” There was no other way he could start this. It had been hanging heavily on his soul ever since that day. “I didn’t...mean any of it. You have to know that.” He looked at Kylo then, who’s eyes were still downcast, staring absently at his food.

“It sounded real to me,” Kylo said, after a moment.

“It wasn’t. My father, he - he said that If I didn’t…” Hux started, hands fisted at his sides. And just like that day, all he felt was weakness. The inability to take control of his own life. That lack of free will. It was suffocating. “He said that he would have you arrested. I couldn’t...take that chance.”

“You could’ve said no,” Kylo replied, still not looking up at him. 

“I couldn’t have,” Hux said, solemnly.

“If you had told me - _talked_ to me, things would’ve been - ”

“I wanted to protect you.” Hux cut him off. He couldn’t listen to what if’s, not now, not then. He had to make a brash decision. Or at least, that’s what he’d told himself. Over and over again. Until he believed it. 

“I don’t need protecting, Hux,” Kylo shot back, finally looking up at him. His eyes were warm, yet strangely distant. 

“It would’ve been your whole life,” Hux said, never breaking eye contact. He was scared that if he did, Kylo would disappear forever. “I couldn’t let him do that to you.” 

“I would’ve taken prison, any day, over losing you,” Kylo said, voice firm. 

Hux had had this conversation in his head, so many times, and even then, he didn’t have an answer to that. He looked away as his eyes started to sting, threading his fingers through his hair. 

They didn’t speak while they finished their food.

Kylo got up after a while, and walked over to Grace’s crib, where she was sleeping soundly. Hux followed, uncertain as he stopped next to Kylo. They both watched her, silently.

“You know,” Hux said, quietly. “She has your eyes.”

Kylo huffed out a laugh. “I have heard.” Then, he paused, before saying, “Rey was free tonight. But I told her not to come.”

The realisation dawned in Hux’s mind, slowly but surely. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So, you…”

“Yeah…”

Kylo turned to face him, expression earnest, even in the dark. “What you said that day, in the field,” Kylo started, voice quiet. “Did you mean it?”

It took Hux a moment to relive the past. He’d tried to forget, tried to cast it out like an unwanted pushchair. But it had never truly worked. It was always there. Always lingering somewhere - somewhere he couldn’t reach. An itch he couldn’t scratch. “Yes,” he said, finally.

Kylo leant forward then, and Hux let him, as he placed a kiss at the corner of Hux’s lips. Just like he had, all those years ago. 

But this time it was different. They were both broken, both torn apart by society, beaten down for all they were worth. Things wouldn’t be the same. But Hux found himself uncaring as he grabbed Kylo’s face in his hands as he deepened the kiss. It would be different. But, maybe different was better. Maybe different was good.

They swiftly relocated to the bedroom, kissing and tugging at each other’s clothes like sex starved teenagers. Kylo pushed him down onto the bed - well, mattress - and starting to unbutton his shirt, before getting frustrated and just ripping it open. 

Hux scowled at him. “That is mulberry _silk_.”

“Shut up,” Kylo said, before smashing his lips against Hux’s. 

Hux huffed into the kiss, meeting it with just as much vigour. 

Kylo took off his own shirt with just as little care, shrugging it off his shoulders, before coming down to mouth at Hux’s neck. Hux moaned as Kylo bit down, nipping up to his jaw. 

Kylo had gotten about half-way through taking off Hux’s pants, before Grace started crying.

They both groaned, and Kylo stood, threading his fingers through his hair. “I’ll...yeah.” He disappeared for a few minutes, as Hux just sat there, awkwardly, boner flagging.

When Kylo returned, he sat down next to Hux on the mattress. “Diaper change.”

“Right.”

“So, should we…” 

“Maybe next time.”

Kylo nodded. “You can stay here...If you want.”

“No, I’d better get back,” Hux said, standing. He picked up his torn shirt off of the floor, and put it back on. Luckily he’d brought a coat.

“Sorry about your…” Kylo started, gesturing vaguely, “...shirt.”

“It’s fine,” Hux said. “I needed a new one, anyways.”

* * *

When Hux told Phasma what had happened, she just laughed. Loudly. Like an asshole.

“Wow,” she mused, wiping away a faux tear. “Cockblocked by a baby.”

Hux scowled at her, crossing his arms. “It’s not funny.”

“Oh, no. It’s extremely funny,” Phasma said, walking over to sit next to him. “So, when are you going to see him again?”

“I…” Hux started, looking off to the side. “I don’t know. What If he doesn’t want to see me again?”

“Trust me. After that? He definitely wants to see you again.” Phasma smirked. “But, this time, you should dress for the occasion.” She pulled out her phone, tapping around for a moment, before showing him the screen. It was a selection of lingerie. 

Hux scoffed. “I am _not_ wearing lingerie over to Kylo’s house.”

“Well, obviously It would be under your clothes. I’m not a heathen.” 

“No.”

“Alright, alright,” Phasma said, raising a hand. “It was just an idea.”

Hux studied the screen a little, eyeing a casual black, lacy undergarment. “Well...maybe that one.”

Phasma grinned. “I knew you’d come around.”

They’d ordered it, and Hux had immediately regretted it. Although, It wasn’t like it mattered. He could just shove it into his closet, and never look at it again.

It arrived the next day, even though it was snowing heavily. That’s what you get for paying extra for express delivery. Hux felt like the delivery man was judging him as he accepted the package, signing his name, and closing the door quickly behind him. 

Phasma was probably bar-hopping at this time of day, so there was no one to disturb him. Seven pm was known for being the prime drinking time. 

Hux put the box on his bed, and opened it. There were two layers of wrapping on the inside, to protect it from creasing, he suspected. He took it out of the wrapping, and laid it out on the bed. It was in two pieces; the underwear, and the top piece that connected to it. They were made of a thin, black lace that swarmed in different floral-looking patterns.

Hux looked at it for a moment, before deciding, against his better judgement, to try it on. He swiftly de-clothed, feeling strangely self-conscious as he went into the bathroom with the garment. It took him a few minutes to figure out how exactly to put the thing on, but once he’d figured it out, it fit like a glove. Those in depth measurements really paid off. 

Hux stared at himself in the mirror, before instinctively running his hands down his chest, feeling the lace imprint. He then moved to the back, stopping when he reached his ass, quite liking how the material accentuated it. He’d never thought he’d had a particularly interesting backside, but lace definitely did do wonders for one’s figure. He fiddled with the suspenders that went from the line of his underwear, to the garters on his thighs.

Hux briefly wondered If Kylo would like it, before mentally kicking himself. This was a terrible idea. He was better than this - whatever _this_ was. 

He went to take it off, and discard it into the deepest depths of hell, but before he could, there was a knock at the door. 

Hux’s heart left his body as he floundered to grab his robe off the back of the bathroom door, and quickly slipping it over the lingerie.

“Coming!” he called out, exiting the bathroom as he tied the robe tightly around his waist, making sure it was presentable. Maybe it was the delivery guy, come to complain about his terrible handwriting. 

Hux opened the door, heart still palpitating. It only worsened when he saw who was standing outside, holding a bouquet of flowers.

“Are you free right now?” Kylo asked, looking down at his robe.

“Uh…” Hux started, crossing his arms. “Yeah. Yes, I’m...free.”

Kylo didn’t seem convinced, but he walked in anyway, leaving Hux to close the door. 

“Wow,” Kylo said, taking in the room. “This is a...nice place you got.”

“Where’s Grace?” Hux asked.

Kylo turned. “With her mother.” He seemed to remember the bouquet in his hands as he said, flustered, “these are for you,” and held them out. 

Hux took them, biting back a smile. “Thank you...these are, beautiful.” They really were. The only time he’d ever gotten flowers was when he’d won his third grade spelling bee, from a particularly caring maid. She’d been fired after that. 

“I saw them, and thought of you, so…” Kylo rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He then looked up again. “Are you sure you’re alright? You seem kinda...off.” 

Hux swallowed, hard. “No, no. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all. I was just...taking a bath.”

“Oh,” Kylo said, ears reddening slightly. “Sorry.”

“No, I was...done anyway,” Hux trailed off, looking downwards. He was trying to focus on anything other than the fact that he was currently wearing lingerie under his robe, and Kylo didn’t - know. It was irritatingly arousing. But, Hux fought that thought back with the impending sense of embarrassment. 

“Well, I…” Kylo stepped forward, and Hux had to fight the urge to step back. “I wanted to see you.” 

“Oh?” Hux put the bouquet on the table, before leaning against it, attempting to act casual. 

“Last night didn’t really...end on good terms,” Kylo said, awkwardly.

“Why’s that?” Hux asked, teasing. 

“Look, I just…” Kylo started, but stopped, eyes focusing on something. 

Hux didn’t have to look down to know what Kylo was looking at. His robe had betrayed him once again. He cleared his throat. “Yes?”

Kylo looked up at Hux, then down, then back up again. He looked as if he were a robot, trying to process something he didn’t understand. 

If Hux were honest, he didn’t understand it much either. 

“Would you like something to drink?” Hux asked, trying to distract Kylo with the promise of sustenance. But, Kylo ignored his question completely, stepping closer to Hux, who had to fight the prominent urge to step back - maybe run into the bathroom like the coward he was, make some lacklustre excuses, and usher Kylo on his merry way.

But, of course, he did none of those things. Just stood there, like an idiot.

Kylo reached out a hand, to pull at his robes belt, loosening it, so it fell open, revealing his shame. “Were you... _expecting_ someone?” 

Hux was quick to answer, “no,” but then realised that made it seem even more strange, seeing as he’d just been here, by himself, wearing lingerie, like some discount cam star. 

Kylo then pushed Hux’s robe off of one shoulder, and Hux let it fall to the floor. Everything else was already on the table, so he might as well. 

It was cold outside, and inside, but Hux still felt like he was burning up under Kylo’s intense gaze. He shifted awkwardly on his feet, trying to look anywhere other than Kylo.

Kylo closed the gap between them, face dangerously close to Hux’s own. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Kylo said, and Hux could feel his breath as he spoke, practically melted under his praise, like it was the only thing he ever wanted to hear for as long as he lived.

That was all the incentive Hux needed to press forward, claim Kylo’s lips like he had the night before. Kylo made a disgruntled noise as Hux pushed him back against the bed, pressing him down flat as Hux straddled his thighs. 

Kylo’s hands came up to rest on Hux’s waist, as Hux leant forward, kissing him again. He pulled back briefly, lips hovering above Kylo’s. “You still smell the same, even after all these years.”

Kylo raised a brow. “What do I smell like?”

Hux smirked. “You.”

Kylo huffed out a laugh, before grabbing Hux’s thighs, and switching their positions. Hux let out a muffled ‘ _oof_ ’ as his back hit the bed. He pouted, but Kylo kissed it from his lips.

Hux slid his hands over Kylo’s shirt. “This is going to need to come off.”

“Why? Don’t you like my shirt?” Kylo asked, amused. 

“We’ll talk about how tacky your shirt is after you fuck me,” Hux said, starting to undo it. His hands were clammy, and the buttons refused to be undone. He wasn’t nervous.

Kylo just smirked, watching him fumble.

Hux gave up, huffing. “What’s so funny?”

“You,” Kylo said, before pulling up a little to undo his shirt. He shrugged it off his shoulders, and Hux was quick to reach up, smooth his hands along Kylo’s bare chest. It was warm - _he_ was warm.

“You got so ripped,” Hux said, almost in awe.

“Prison ’ll do that to you.”

“What was it like?” Hux asked, but immediately regretted it as Kylo’s expression turned sour. 

“I’d rather talk about you.” Kylo brushed his fingers over the lace of Hux’s underwear. “Or not talk at all…”

Hux bit his lip. “Would you like to take it off?”

Kylo fiddled with the hem. “I’d rather keep it on.”

“Oh yeah?” Hux said, shifting a little under Kylo’s intense stare. 

“Yeah.” Kylo trailed his fingers down to the suspender, hooking his fingers underneath, before pulling it, and letting it snap back.

Hux let out a startled yelp. “You shit!”

“But am I _the_ shit?” Kylo asked, moving down Hux’s body.

Hux was going to shoot back a retort, but he was rendered speechless as Kylo began to kiss at the inside of his thigh. His ears felt hot as he gripped the sheets.

Kylo moved up to mouth at the outline of Hux’s erection. If he hadn’t been hard before, he sure was now, with the sight of Kylo between his legs. 

Hux let out a light breath, as Kylo tugged down his underwear - or as far as they would go with the garters in the way. His cock lay against his stomach, already leaking precum onto the thin, peachy hairs there. 

Kylo licked his lips, before leaning forward, and licking a stripe up the length of Hux’s cock. Hux let his head fall back with a gasp. 

Kylo sucked the tip into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. The sound Hux made was ungodly, thighs flexing as they threatened to close around Kylo’s head. Although, he doubted Kylo would appreciate being put into a headlock. 

Kylo started to bob his head, and Hux lost his voice. It was there somewhere, in the back of his mind, but nothing came out as Kylo continued his ministrations. 

Eventually, Kylo pulled back, licking Hux's precum from his lips. He tugged at the pants, still around Hux's thighs. “How do I...get these off, exactly?” 

“Honestly, I’m not even sure how I got them on.”

Kylo huffed out a laugh. “Well, you know what that means…”

Hux caught on, but it was already too late. “N _o_ \- “ He was drowned out by the sound of ripping fabric. Hux scowled at him. “Do you have some kind of incessant need to destroy things?”

Kylo smirked. “Only if they’re in my way.”

Kylo reached into his jeans pocket, and pulled out a small bottle of lube. Hux eyed him. “Presumptuous.”

“Was I wrong to presume?” Kylo asked, flipping open the cap.

“Not at all.”

Kylo squeezed the lube directly onto Hux’s crotch area. “Too much?”

“Well, when I ask room service to change my sheets, I can just say I peed myself, and prevent any Impending confusion.”

Kylo grinned, before using the excess to coat his finger, and circling Hux’s hole. 

Hux shivered. The feeling of being extremely wet, while also, technically being clothed was definitely odd, to say the least. But, as Kylo pushed a finger in, he couldn’t bring himself to be bothered by it. 

Kylo made a few experimental thrusts, before pushing his finger in to the last knuckle. Hux groaned, fighting the urge to grind down as Kylo fucked him with a finger, pace painfully slow. Hux bit his lip to stop himself from whining like a dog, figuring Kylo would enjoy that a little too much. 

One finger soon became two, and two became three. Hux was panting now - much in line with the whole ‘dog’ theme. When Kylo pulled his fingers out, Hux did regret the loss, but got over it quickly at the sight of Kylo undoing his pants. Had they been on this whole time?

Slipping out of his remaining garments, Kylo began to coat his cock - which Hux was most certainly _not_ going to comment on. 

“Holy shit, you’re massive…” Alright, maybe he was.

Kylo looked up then, almost taken aback. “Is that...a good thing?”

Hux huffed out a laugh. “Of course. Now I know why you used so much lube.”

“That’s not why - I just like seeing you complain.”

Hux didn’t have much time to pout, as Kylo lined himself up, not waiting long before pushing in the head. 

Hux moaned at the stretch, not holding back as he grabbed Kylo’s back, urging him to push in further. Kylo obliged, slowly moving his hips forward, and seating himself fully against Hux’s ass. 

Hux couldn’t help himself, as he closed the gap between them, mouthing furiously at Kylo’s lips, still red from his earlier endeavour. Kylo laughed between kisses, and Hux pulled back, frowning. 

“What’s funny?”

“Nothing, you’re just…” Kylo started, looking down at him fondly.

“I’m what?” Hux asked, impatiently. 

Kylo pressed his forehead against Hux’s. “I love you.”

Hux was silent for a moment, just staring into Kylo’s eyes, almost completely black. Then, he pushed Kylo over, seating himself atop, as he began to ride Kylo in earnest. 

Kylo groaned, watching Hux as he ground himself down. He carded his fingers through Kylo’s hair and pulled. Kylo practically growled at that, bucking up into him. 

They moved like that, almost in sync with one another, kissing and biting, hands grabbing at whatever they could. At one point, Kylo grabbed his ass so hard, Hux was sure there were going to be handprints there the next morning. 

Hux's hand went down to grasp at his own cock, tugging it in time with his movements. Warmth coiled in his stomach, and it wasn't long before he was cumming, white hot strips over his fist. He shook as he rode himself through his orgasm, thighs flexing around Kylo. Kylo came quick after, panting next to Hux's ear, as they both held each other, clinging on for dear life.

* * *

They both lay there, in the dark, watching each other. The feeling that if they looked away, even for a second, the other would disappear. And they shared in that fear, that love. It was all Hux had ever dreamt about. To be loved by someone, so fully, so wholly. The feeling itself was intoxicating. 

Hux reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Kylo’s ear. He went to pull back his hand, but Kylo grabbed his wrist, holding it against his cheek. 

“I love you,” Kylo said, sounding breathless.

Hux huffed out a laugh. “You already said that.”

“I know.” Kylo smiled, then. “But I’m gonna keep telling you, until you grow tired of it.”

Hux moved forward then, pressing his forehead against Kylo’s “I’ll never grow tired of that.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

They fell asleep soon after.

When Hux woke up, he was being spooned by Kylo’s large frame, arms wrapped around his waist. Hux smiled to himself, a little giddy. So it hadn’t been some self-serving, sleep-deprived dream. 

Hux moved to sit up, in dire need of a shower, but strong arms tugged him back down. 

“Stay,” Kylo muttered, still half-asleep.

Hux huffed, making himself comfortable on the pillow. “Alright. Just a little longer.” 

A little longer ended up being an hour, that soon turned into two hours. When Hux woke up again, it was ten am. Kylo had rolled over in that time, snoring on the other side of the bed. Hux looked at him fondly, before getting out of bed, and heading for the bathroom. He was still naked, so he didn’t have to undress before stepping into the shower.

The hot spray soothed him as he washed himself, spending extra time on his hair. He had someone to impress now, he concluded with a slight grimace. Although, he was fairly sure Kylo would take him however he was. But, Hux did have standards, contrary to popular belief. 

When Hux left the bathroom, robe tied loosely around his waist, Kylo was sitting up in bed, looking at a book. 

Hux knew what book it was, seeing as he didn’t bring an arsenal of reading material in his medium sized suitcase. 

Kylo looked up when Hux approached, eyes confused, and sincere as he asked, “you kept it?” 

Hux smirked. “Of course. I promised, remember?”

Kylo put the book down, and stood, pulling Hux into a tight embrace. He held him there for a moment, and Hux let him, savouring his warm presence. 

But then, he heard the door open. 

Hux had sworn he’d locked that thing. 

“Incoming,” Phasma said, holding a bag of something. She almost dropped it when she saw them - well, Kylo, since he was still definitely naked. “I did knock,” she said, defensively, when Hux turned to scowl at her. Kylo had grabbed the bedsheet, and was holding it in front of himself awkwardly. 

“I’m gonna...yeah,” Kylo said, before hurrying into the bathroom. 

Hux sighed, and Phasma gave him a once over as she placed the bag on the bedside table. “I brought breakfast, but, clearly I should’ve gotten extra…” She looked in the direction of the bathroom, before looking back at Hux, grinning. “He’s an absolute snack. Those _arms_. I bet you had fun last night.”

Hux just massaged his temples, not deigning _that_ with a response. 

Phasma had gone by the time Kylo emerged from the bathroom, hair wet as he picked up his clothes from the hotel room floor. He re-dressed, tying back his hair.

“I should...go,” he said, looking at Hux. “I’m supposed to pick up Grace soon.” He walked forward, and gave Hux a quick peck on the cheek, before leaving.

Hux felt strangely alone when Kylo left, but he pegged it off on post-coital separation anxiety, if that was even a thing. 

The next day, he didn’t receive any notice from Kylo - a call, a text - nothing. And the next day was the same. And the day after that.

Hux considered calling him, checking if he was alright, asking why he hadn’t called. His phone sat on his bedside table. He’d picked it up around five times, but every time he’d put it back, deciding against it. What if Kylo didn’t want to speak to him? What if it had just been a one time thing? What if Kylo had been playing him this entire time?

These thoughts didn’t leave him, even as he picked the phone again, and called the number. It rang, and rang, before going to answer phone. Hux huffed, and discarded his phone on the bedside table, a little harder than necessary. 

Phasma hadn’t had any revolutionary advice, asking whether the sex had been ‘that bad’. He’d frowned and told her it wasn’t funny, but she’d laughed anyway. Then, she’d continued, claiming it was just something men did, and that there was no helping it. But Kylo wasn’t like that. Hux knew him. 

He did. 

Didn’t he?

A few days passed, and Hux’s trip was coming to an end. It was the day before Christmas, and he was leaving tomorrow. He’d still had no word from Kylo, and his mind had been doing backflips since that day, trying to figure out why that was. What he’d done wrong. It must have been serious to warrant this amount of silence.

Hux sat in New York Central Park, on the stone ring around the enormous Christmas tree they liked to show off there. For what purpose? He wasn’t sure. Perhaps they were trying to win the world's biggest, unnecessarily decorated tree - rivalled only by the ones in the amazon forest. 

Hux was holding a red takeaway cup of hot chocolate he’d ordered half an hour ago. It was already cold, and he hadn’t drunk any of it. He looked down at the cup, reading the annoyingly peppy inscription on the front in a white, ugly font. ‘Christmas is for lovers’. He huffed out a derisive laugh, and put the cup on the ground, watching it slowly sink into the snow.

Relief. It had been a strange word to Hux. Alien, even. But, that night, when Kylo held him - he knew what it meant. For the first time, he understood.

And now, it was gone. 

Maybe his father was right, after all. 

Maybe he would be alone forever.

There were footsteps in the snow, crunching a little too close to be a passer-by. Hux didn't look up, just said, curtly, “I’m not really In the mood right now.”

“That wasn’t the welcome I was expecting,” a low voice said, and Hux looked up abruptly. 

Kylo stood there, dressed in a black knee length coat, with a scarf and gloves to match. He sat down beside Hux, and rested his hands on his knees.

There was snow in his hair, and on his nose, and Hux had to stop himself from leaving over to brush it off.

“Where have you been?” Hux asked then, looking straight ahead.

“Things happened so fast,” Kylo said, sounding breathless. “I’ve been In court most days, and the others...too exhausted to even move.”

Hux looked at him, brow furrowed. “Grace?”

“She’s with Rey,” Kylo said, as if he almost didn’t believe it. “We won.”

Hux breathed a sigh of relief, but then collected himself, because he was supposed to be mad. “And you didn’t even think to call? Send me a text? Anything to let me know you were alright?”

Kylo was silent for a while. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice quiet. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, these past few days. About this. Us. About what I want.”

Hux frowned. “And what do you want?”

Kylo turned to face him, and grasped both of his hands, holding them firmly. “I want to be with you. With Grace. We can be…” He paused, as if trying to find the right words. “We can be a family.”

Hux’s eyes widened, but he couldn’t look away. “You would...take me? Even after...after everything…”

Kylo squeezed his hands reassuringly. “Hux. There is no one I would rather be with.” He then looked down. “If you’ll have me, of course.”

Hux brought Kylo’s attention back to him with a brief squeeze. “I want you too. More than anything.”

“So, stay here, with me,” Kylo said, almost pleading. 

Hux forced himself to look away. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

He didn’t have to look to know Kylo’s expression had dampened, grip loosening. Hux added, swiftly, “I’ll come back, of course. I just have some...unfinished business back home.”

Kylo was silent for a moment, before he said, “promise me. Promise you’ll come back to me?”

And again, Hux was back in that field, all those years ago. “I promise,” he said, without another thought.

Kylo smiled and leant forward, kissing him.

* * *

  
When Hux arrived at the house, it was late into the afternoon.

A maid he didn’t recognise greeted him at the door, first asking who he was, and then apologising, hurriedly offering to take his coat. He politely declined, and told her he wouldn’t be staying long.

“Master’s health has been decreasing for quite some time,” she said, solemnly. And Hux had to fight everything In him not to laugh. “He probably won’t speak to you.”

“He never did, anyway,” Hux said, before going through into the main living room, and off into a fairly large conservatory.

Brendol was sat by the window, on a wicker chair, with far too many cushions behind him. He didn’t look up as Hux walked in, taking the chair beside him. 

There was nothing but silence between them for a while, just the sound of his fathers jagged breaths, before Hux finally spoke. 

“You were wrong, you know,” he said. Brendol didn’t respond, so he continued. “About me. About everything. Even after I left this wretched place, you followed me. Your words, your looming glares. I was never truly alone. Never truly free. Because you were always there, In my head, telling me I wasn’t good enough.”

Silence.

“But, you know what?” Hux huffed out a derisive laugh. “You were wrong. And that’s all I needed. You were always wrong, I just needed to see It. And I’ve never been happier. I have someone who truly loves me, not like you ever did. You loved the _idea_ of me when I wasn’t around. The perfect doll you moulded to continue your company. But that’s not me. It never was.”

“You never had the guts,” Brendol said, voice raspy.

“No, I didn’t. But now I do,” Hux stated, resolutely. “That’s why I formerly resigned from the company this morning, leaving it in your _capable_ hands.” The last words practically dripped from his tongue.

His father visibly bristled at that, but didn’t say anything.

“I don’t see Maratelle around,” Hux said, folding his hands in his lap. “She find another golden tap? Or did she finally get tired of pretending to love you?” He should probably stop, be the better person. But, he just couldn’t help himself. “You know, It’s funny. All this time you talked about me, about how I’d never find true love. And yet here you are, sad, and alone In your final moments. The best part? It was all your own doing.”

Brendol gave a brief, disinterested huff. But there was something else there. Regret, maybe? Could people like that even feel regret? Or was It just Hux’s own need to see his father as a human being, and not the emotionless reptile from his childhood.

“I was your son,” Hux said, a little quieter than his earlier digs. “I was your son....and you _killed_ me. You killed me.” He didn’t fight the way his voice shook. 

Brendol said nothing.

“But,” Hux said, finally. “I forgive you.”

There was a distinct pause, before Hux stood, and left.

He never looked back.

* * *

  
A ‘ _sold_ ’ sign sat outside the dilapidated house next to the forget me not field. When they’d moved in, the place had been a mess. But with Kylo’s mechanical skills, and Hux’s planning, they’d soon made quick work of it.

Hux had designed the whole thing, of course. He was a freelance architect, doing odd jobs here and there. Kylo got a job at the nearby garage, and they both took turns with the house. 

Phasma and Rey had connected over Tinder, and were currently dating, staying at a hotel nearby with Grace.

“We should have a picnic when this is done,” Hux said, slouched over a large plan of their new house.

“That’d be nice,” Kylo said, drinking from a glass of lemonade as he leaned against the counter.

A few days later, they sat across from each other on a picnic blanket in the field next to their house. Grace fidgeted in Kylo’s lap as he fed her apple slices, although most of it just ended up on the front of her tartan dress.

Hux frowned, already thinking about laundry. But the smile on Kylo’s face as he looked up at Hux pushed that thought from his mind.

No, that was a problem for later.

Hux had promised himself to live in the now, and savour every bit of it.

And as the sun set in the field, Hux smiled too.

Maybe happy endings did exist, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for this fic, 'The Suburbs, by Arcade Fire'.


End file.
